Well, That's Done

I was sick in December, really sick, with a cold that went around the office before it stopped by me. By that time, it had mutated beyond recognizable proportions and I spent Christmas in my pajamas nursing mugs of hot tea and practically snorting Vick's Vapor Rub. You know how it goes. You're tired, so you take a nap and sleep 5 hours. Then, when 10:30 pm rolls around, the last thing you want to do is sleep, but you're tired of surfing the web or playing World of Warcraft. What to do.

Reading was a disaster. I started a new book but the head cold made everything so fuzzy. I had this raking cough which, when it started, took a good 5 minutes to stop. (Quick! Where is the cough syrup AND cough drops?) I tried cross-stitching on my current project, but I couldn't count right and will have to rip out the stuff I did because it's wrong. I paced. I swept floors. I was having a sewer drainage issue which wasn't going to get resolved until the day after Christmas so thoroughly cleaning wasn't possible. (I'm still behind on laundry.)

Then, I spotted the filing. I was way behind in that. It was the end of the year and I would be needing to file income tax forms. Somewhere in the pile are the receipts for donations. I need to find and organize all of that. I like to file early and get it over with, but to do that, I was going to have to dive into the pile.

I did so with a vengeance. I went through all the folders. Anything 10+ years old or things I don't need to keep which had an account number on them were shredded. The shredder jammed several times and got really warm once. I've had the shredder for 15+ years. It's chewed up a lot of paper.

The kitten was given a few slices of paper to play with but he got bored with that. None of the kids liked the sound and ran when it jammed. Eventually, they figured out I was possessed with sorting and cleaning so they left me alone. I had piles on the bed, which Pilchard took to lying on so certain folders didn't get cleaned until she moved.

In the end, my recycling can was three-quarters full of shred.

I filed everything which needed to be filed. There is nothing errant in a pile on the table in the bedroom awaiting the chance to be put in the right folder. It's completely clear of paper. I found ALL my bookmarks. I am so proud of myself.

This gave me a bit of pause. If someone opened the can when it was out at the curb and rifled through it, they would see all this shred. Would it arouse suspicion that, perhaps, someone was shredding their identity? Were they getting rid of a life to start something new?

No, nothing so intriguing, although it would make a good starting sequence for a novel. "She closed the lid on the recycling can. Her life, all of it, was in thin strips of paper, commingled with soup cans, water bottles and cut down boxes. Perhaps someone, with vast amounts of time on their hand, could reassemble the bills and the statements, but she hoped the recycling company would get to this before anyone else."

It felt so very good to do this. It was one of those onerous jobs, way down on the list, I needed to do, to gain more control of my life, to make spaces in the house more enjoyable. After a couple hours, it was actually fun. Electric bills from 2009. SHRED!

When I paid bills at the beginning of this month and gathered up the receipts, I walked into the bedroom and didn't feel the compulsion to just shove them in the pile of paperwork awaiting filing. I felt the need to file them where they belong. It takes but 5 minutes after bill paying. That the spot is clear and the paperwork caught up makes me want to keep it that way.

Beverage:  Assam

Deb

I Call This Success

Today is pay day. On pay day, I allow myself breakfast out. I can afford, as long as I plan for it, to do this.

I get paid once a month, which, now that you know, has probably elicited gasps of "How do you manage?" I've been doing it now for 13.5 years. You learn and you take the consequences if you don't learn. There have been a lot of months in 13.5 years where I didn't plan well and it was "I guess I need to skip either lunch or dinner" or you accept that you will have to take a hit with a late fee because the bank account doesn't have $17 for the sewer bill because you forgot!

Anyway, I conducted an experiment this past month. I didn't publicize it. My twisted brain thought that if I said I'm going to do this in July, I would self-sabotage the attempt. So, now that July is ending, I'm going to toot my horn just a bit.

I'm going on a vacation in August. It's going to be a real, get away from work, vacation. But, in order to do this, to say, "What should I do today? Oh this museum sounds interesting", I have to plan; for gas, for food, for admission fees, for souvenirs. At the end of June, I thought about this and decided the only way I would have the money to do the things I wanted to do on vacation was to set myself a non-paying goal. I would not eat out on my dime for the entire month of July. No Dunkin in the morning when I was really tired and not wanting to get up to make cereal. No Subway when I was too tired to make lunch or to cook the night before so there would be left-overs. None of that. Those are my weaknesses, breakfast and lunch. It's easy to avoid ordering pizza at night, but it's also so very easy to, at 7:20 in the morning, open the fridge and say, "Bah, I don't want to eat leftovers. I'll just go to Subway for lunch." I was going to not do that; all month.

So how did I do? Well, I didn't achieve the goal of complete cold turkey. (Mmmmmm cold turkey and provolone sub from Subway.) On the 23rd, I had a doctor appointment and I just couldn't get out of bed in time to eat cereal and get out the door on time. I stopped at Dunkin. During the month, on the 16th and the 24th, I had to go to the grocery for items I needed. I got a salad off the salad bar.

This is today's salad. I am out of pasta and I want to make pasta for supper tonight. I tend to eat better when I eat off the salad bar at Dominicks. I love color in my salad and no iceberg lettuce so there's romaine and spinach and pea pods and cabbage and red and orange pepper rings and sunflower seeds and dried cherries and shredded cheddar and a tablespoon of poppy seed dressing. Oh and bean sprouts. Love me some bean sprouts. If I get really busy, this will also double as supper, although that means I need to plan for lunch the next day.

Other than this, I did not go anywhere near a fast food restaurant. Pam and I got together for supper on the 11th but we finally used up the Steak 'n Shake gift card I received from April and Perry for Christmas. I had to attend a company function on the 18th but dinner was included with the talk. I was out on a job on the 23rd and 25th and the company picked up lunch on both dates. Beyond that, I went out to eat zero times.

It's about convenience. The convenience of "I'm going to get lunch" removes the need to think about what I eat. I'll just hop over to Subway and get a foot long. Subway is better for me than McDonald's, to be sure, but what I gain in nutrition, I'm losing in funds.

The blood tests requested by Dr. Burandt came up with higher than one would like glucose and triglyceride numbers. I believe it's directly related to my "I'm too tired to cook" mentality. It is so ridiculously easy to just absolve yourself of menu planning and let the industry determine what you eat. I was motivated by the need to have a maximum amount of funding available for vacation. What I've wound up doing is making sure I have fresh fruits and vegetables in the fridge. Cut up broccoli or peppers with dressing available for dipping is a great snack all through the day. Sliced apples and pears are also wonderful to have for snacking, particularly when I'm bored during a work day. It's too easy to have cookies or candy in the desk drawer.

Tonight, I will sit down and pay bills and do the math for the vacation. I have allowed myself my monthly trip to DD. That's it until vacation. First of all, I proved to myself I could do it. Secondly, I made $8 last all month because I wasn't going out twice a week.

I call this success.

Beverage:  Dr Pepper

Deb

That's All

This short month often leaves me feeling monetarily anxious. Never you mind that it's only short by a couple of days, those days represent money and dates when things could be due but aren't because those days aren't there. So, everything comes at once instead of spread out. March 1st looming on the horizon with nothing but change in the pocket has often left me with a case of the "how can I's", as in "how can I possibly pay this"?

My refunds from both state and federal taxes have gone a ways to make me feel a bit more secure. There are still bills that have to be wrangled and negotiated every month and I've added medical expenses to the list, but I am calmer about squeezing every last dime out of the paycheck and shoving it where it needs to go.

Sometimes, when I get a month behind and don't have a current bill in front of me, I'll estimate what the next charges will be and send that amount. It can be a crap shoot, a game of guessing. I've found that calling the company and asking for current charges often gets me an amount that shows a payment hasn't been applied, yet. So, it was taken out of my account on the 22nd and it's the 30th and it's still not applied? Huh? "Well, ma'am, billing has probably applied it, but it's not showing up on your account here in customer service." Whatever. I'm usually very close when estimating so I'm not that worried.

I had a bill this month that comes usually on or around the 8th. I'd been a bit behind with this account but they understood the need to pay the medical bill first. I would get caught up over time. This month's bill should be small and then we would be back to normal in March. I couldn't have predicted this.

That's what I owed them. Fifty cents.

I thought about sending a check. I thought about not paying it this month and letting it roll over into next month, but there would be finance charges, however small, on that fifty cents. I figured a check would cost more than fifty cents to process so, let's just send them the cash. I taped the quarters to the front of the bill and off it went.

As I look through the finances and contemplate another high gas bill to heat the house, sending off fifty cents to be current makes me feel really good. Wish all my bills were like that.

Beverage:  Rooibos tea

Deb

Days Off

Tomorrow is a work day. While that might seem like an unsurprising statement, I have been off since Wednesday. It's been a productive 5 days for me.

Wednesday was rainy, pretty much all day, until the temperatures plummeted. It was 41 at noon and 15 by 10 p.m. I am terribly aware of the furnace running and running and running as it attempts to keep the house at my desired 69 degrees. I'm also aware that the girls have migrated up. It's got to be cold along the floor. My feet feel it. How much more do they feel?

It was a time of catch up and revisiting favorites. On Wednesday, I started the day by paying bills. Everything is paid. For me, this is a fantastic feeling. I look across the pile and there's nothing. This is a small victory, something I can pat myself on the back for. I figured it out. I have saved and I'm caught up. Off to do errands.

I am involved in something slightly nefarious so the first stop on Wednesday was JoAnn Fabrics for a couple items. Then, garbage stickers. I realized, in recalling my day for guild members, that garbage stickers aren't used everywhere. In Chicagoland, most communities have gone to a sticker program. You buy colored stickers that go on the garbage you put out. You pay only for what you drag to the curb. There is no charge for recyclables. I can go 6 weeks without putting out garbage, what with recycling and my lifestyle. Having a monthly trash bill is a waste of money for me. Stickers are currently $3.49 each, but that's still quite cheap to have it hauled away.

After that, I hit the post office and had a slightly annoying discussion with the clerk. Part of the nefariousness involves mailing and I knew exactly what I wanted to do with the mailing. "Why are you putting all this postage on these? Can't you make people mail it themselves?" I realize he wanted to save me money but I knew just want I wanted, I stated that clearly and I expect to be helped in that fashion. "We're up to this much already," he said, as if I hadn't thought through the cost. I knew how much it would cost me when I walked in. I've taken my business elsewhere when faced with this kind of "customer service". I came really close to saying, "Look, I know the cost. Just sell me the damn stamps. Stop trying to convince me to do this any other way because it's not going to work." Then, he wound up not selling me enough for the envelopes and I had to use the personal stamps I'd purchased. I've had problems with this guy before. I probably should complain.

From there, it was a stop to get the hair cut. I wasn't feeling particularly happy when I walked in. The post office exchange had me irritated. But, the gal who cut my hair was bubbly and chatty and put me in a very good mood. She asked about my hair care and made a couple suggestions that wound up giving me a cut that will last for awhile. It had been 13 weeks since my last cut. I do that. I get a great cut at Great Clips that lasts. Other than my bangs growing out, I really won't need to go back until maybe April. A hair cut made the irritation of the post office fade away. I'm happy.

It was time to go home. Did I want to cook or stop somewhere? As I headed west from the salon, I saw Flips approach. I haven't eaten there since summer. Flips it is. I got a #12, which is a polish with fries and a drink. Technically, I don't think that's on any diet plan but I am 'on vacation'. I'll eat what I want.

That carried through to Thursday when I stopped by Culver's after a doctor visit and another trip to JoAnn Fabrics. I got a bacon cheeseburger, fries and a peanut butter hot fudge shake. Culver's was on the way home.

Since then, I haven't gone anywhere. Taxes for both federal and state have been completed, submitted and accepted. There are small refunds coming. We've had brutal cold and snow. I've done wash. I've washed litter boxes and the floor where they sit. I've done dishes. I've crocheted. I've prepared all the valentines for mailing. I've ordered myself a small valentine's present because I'm worth it. I've slept. I've watched movies and Rocky and Bullwinkle. I've agreed with myself, finally, that I did need the time off and that just staying home really is worth it. Vacations don't have to involve the stress of packing and travel. They can be a time of catching up.

Back to work tomorrow. I will be rested and refreshed and will feel that I am not rushed because something didn't get done.

Beverage:  Darjeeling tea

Deb

Vacation

September is here. There are leaves on the deck from the tree at the NW corner of the house. The last two days of August went out hot and sweaty and today is delightfully cool.

I finally took two days off just for me. Thursday, I spent getting caught up with bills and other paperwork-type things. Yesterday was spent running the errands I've been too tired to run and boy have I been tired.

As much as I enjoyed, at first, the goings and comings of being in the Jeep and needing to be someplace that generated a mileage check, it wore me down. I started having sleeping problems, particularly on weekends. My right hip, knee and shoulder started aching. My eyes felt like I had sand in them, making driving in the bright sunlight a challenge. And, with the not sleeping came the terrifying times that I dozed off while barreling down the Interstate at 70 miles an hour. A 2 and a half hour drive became a 3 hour and 15 minute drive because I would stop every hour, get out and walk around the Jeep. I came close to buying one of those energy drinks that probably is really not good for me, simply to stay awake.

When I was told, 10 days ago, that I would be spending another day in the town 2.5 hours away and that I had to be there by 9 a.m., I came home that night and cried. What was wrong with me? I had felt wonderful at the beginning of the month. Now, I felt horrible and the prospect of a drive reduced me to tears. That was changed and I did't have to go anywhere. My RA doctor, after listening to my symptoms, said I'd had a full flare up of the RA. I needed to learn self-care and how to unwind as well as develop better sleep habits. I had requested these days off at the beginning of the month and was scared, with all the work we have to do, that I'd need to give them up. Fortunately, I wasn't asked to.

It felt odd, on Thursday, to roll over and see the clock at 7:35 and I was still in bed. A vacation is time to get out and see the country; go somewhere; do something. In July 1971, my dad packed us into the van and we spent a week in northern Minnesota, near the headwaters of the Mississippi River. Off to the right, off the photo, you can walk across the Mississippi. Lake Itasca is the source of the Mississippi's waters. I remember it being cold and clear that day.

We stayed at a campground about 15 miles south of the lake. Here, the Mississippi was about 10 feet deep and about 10 feet wide. It was quite the novelty to be able to look across the main channel of the river; throw a stone over it, in fact, when where I grew up, barges plied the channel and sandbars, backwaters and marsh were plentiful.

When I think of a vacation, I think of this with fondness. I don't think of running to the pharmacy, getting the oil changed, changing my car and homeowner's insurance and saving money in the process, or grocery shopping as being a "vacation". In reality, whether you walk across the headwaters of the Mississippi or walk across the yard to get the mail, as long as it's time for you to sit back and relax, it's a matter of semantics. I've been too tired to blog. This weekend is about centering myself, caring for me and finding the headwaters of who I am.

Beverage:  Darjeeling tea

Deb

Much Shredding

It's the kind of day where the little loose ends are being tidied up. I ran an errand to get more fabric for the next cross-stitch project. Please don't cluck at me. I know I have Aida cloth up the ying yang but I want to use something I saw several months ago for the next project. I had to get my next script of methotrexate anyway so combine the two into one trip.

With that being done, I did another load of wash, washed rugs, swept another floor, washed a couple of windows, sorted one stack of things to save and decided it was time to deal with the shredding.

I save all my bills for a year and then after I get my tax refund, I shred them. Plus, anything over 7 years old can be shredded now, although some things, like refinancing information and tax returns I save for 10 years. Going through the filing cabinet yielded quite the pile. It's been on the small table in the office for several months. Time to shred it.

I had to empty the shredding container 3 times to get through all of this. I shouldn't let things pile up. I have the shredder here to my left in the office. I can just shred things, like credit card offers, instantly. I don't need to put them in some "to be shredded" pile. It's just another pile then.

This simple act has made the office feel lighter.

Beverage:  English Breakfast tea

Deb

Soooo Tempting

I got this card in the mail yesterday. Look, an offer to get a year of Cross Stitch & Needlework for $20. I currently have $20.

I'd get 6 issues in the coming year plus 3 free charts. I happen to be familiar with this magazine and they have some very nice projects every issue.

But...

I have a box full of craft magazines and a box full of kits and half-finished projects. Honestly, I need this magazine like I need bubonic plague. Still, $20 for more cross-stitch projects?

Time to hit myself with the reality cloth and go pay my gas bill.

Beverage:  Water

Deb

An Official Ending

I have a horrible case of "I'llgetothatlater" syndrome. There is no known cure for it and it is responsible for my losing things, delaying decisions on things and the general "piling", as opposed to "filing" system that I maintain.

If you told me, earnestly, two years ago, that I would be paying 90% of my bills online, I would have laughed at you, really, really laughed at you. But such is the case now. It is very rare anymore, that I write a check for a bill.

I had to, however, today as there are a couple of companies whose online time to credit my account is longer than if I write a check and mail it. Plus, I wanted to order the 2011 Campbell Soup collector's ornament and that required a check. There was only one in the checkbook when meant a trip to the drawer to get a new stack. That's where the syndrome comes in.

On the left side of the drawer were checks from the old bank, the one that screwed me, that caused my financial problems. I know I held onto them until all accounts were closed, but that's now been 16 months. I can safely get rid of all the blank checks.

It was a great feeling to rip all these in half and drop them in the recycling bin. My involvement with this company will be for years to come as I continue to pay off what I owe. They have, in the past two months, tried to change the terms of the agreements hashed out in the summer. I just get a bill with a new amount on it. I call and tell them, "No, that amount is not the amount I agreed to." They make some comment about "re-examining all accounts" and I tell them I have a letter and they better not change anything. Then I write all this down and send a letter to my congressman and the Illinois Attorney General.

And I get a rather perverse pleasure out of talking to some person who has been handed my file and calls to say, "I need to talk to you about your credit card." "I don't have a credit card with you." "Well, I see an overdue balance here." "On an active credit card?" "Um..." "You people closed my cards years ago without letting me know which is, as you should know, against the law. I have never received a reason why nor have I received an apology. I don't have a credit card with you and I pay my bill on time so calling me is wasting both your time and my time. Have a good day." Click.

I know. I know. The person on the other end of the line is just doing what they were told and is trying to make a living. Probably, they were just hired 9 months ago. They have no idea this mess is 2 years old now. I should be more courteous.

As I ripped up these checks, I thought about the last 2 years. They haven't apologized. They have never explained what happened. I won't yell or swear, but I certainly won't listen to anything they have to say when it doesn't seem that they honor it. Ripping up these checks symbolically ends our relationship. I have to hold canceled checks for 10 years but you can be certain, when I rip up the final check, 10 years from now, I will toast that with a hearty glass of ale.

Beverage:  Dr Pepper

Deb

A Simple Act

Today was the day I sat down to go from rich to poor in 20 minutes. I hate doing it because it emphasizes the "I don't have" over the "I do have". But the good news is that I paid all the bills and there is money left over to pay for the plumber coming on Tuesday morning, as long as said plumber doesn't exceed $700. Beyond that and I'm sunk. I've also been able to order my daughter's birthday and Christmas presents (David is done.), which made me feel good too.

It's a day for accomplishing things. Nothing is ever a simple 2 step process. Take sweeping the floors. I sweep but it's maybe once every other month that I "sweep". Take the rugs outside and shake them. Pile everything on the floor on top of the recliner. Remove the dust from Pilchard's tail because she chose to sit next to the pile you've swept up. Move the recliner and lamps. Find the cat toys in the corners and pull the dust off them. Sweep the dust through the kitchen to the back door where it can be scooped up and dumped in the garbage. Oh and repeatedly bang the dust mop on the deck to knock off the strings of dust bunnies and bits of dried leaves that stick to the mop. Once this is done, put everything back.

I have to sit down now. I must remember, when I go see the doctor this month for a follow up, to mention my gait. My right hip hurts from doing the above. It was a 30 minute job but I feel as I did in my 9th month of pregnancy when I developed sciatica. I'm sure it's because, unconsciously, I have altered my standing, my moving and my walking to reflect the problems with my knees. A 15 minute rest and I'll be able to work on dishes and another project.

This simple act, though hardly simple in execution, has made my house feel cleaner. I walk into the living room and it looks nice. Pilchard's sitting on and sitting in boxes are still there as is the box of toys. A few are scattered across the floor. The rugs are stretched out until later when they will be attacked. There's dusting I could do, but the simple act of sweeping the floor has lifted my spirits. All of the dust and dirt I saw when I would sit in the recliner and read is gone. It's a good way to end October.

Beverage:  Dr Pepper

Deb

What I Need is Help When I Get Home

Getting out of the house on day 2 of time off was a 'simple' jaunt to the grocery. Well, nothing's really 'simple' but it was down and back.

I filled all my bags and had to get 2 plastic bags for the excess and there was laundry detergent and fabric softener that don't go in bags. I got everything on the list, everything for a change. 

I sat down in the morning and paid all the bills. There is a feeling that something hasn't been paid but I can't find anything that's not. Then I spent an hour looking over the sale flyer and deciding what I needed and what would be good to have on hand. 

It takes about 25% more time to grocery shop now. I'm slower and, in the case of the kitty litter, I have to use both hands to pick it up. Thankfully, I didn't have to lift it out of the cart to be scanned. 

I went to the Dominicks in south Wheaton. It's not as close as the one by the office but I had the thought I'd swing by the Chick-Fil-A near there and get lunch. When I got the total for the groceries, I wasn't sure of how much was in the checking account so I did not get lunch. I needn't have worried, but doing math in my head is fraught with problems so I came home and had the pizza I bought. 

The south Dominicks is so deserted. Very few people shop there even though it's a nice store with a lot of goods and wide, well-lighted aisles. So, there aren't many cashiers or baggers and it takes time to check out. They always ask if I'd like help out with my groceries. Generally I don't. Even yesterday, I don't need help getting the groceries from the cart into the car. What I'd like help with is getting them from the car into the house. 

Wonder what they'd charge for that service?

Beverage:  English Breakfast tea

Deb

Set Back

It's been the kind of week that gives me pause.

First it was the ants, the thousands of ants that invaded my kitchen.

Then, on Tuesday, I discovered an error with my time sheet that neither I, nor three other people found. It resulted in me not getting an expense check for this past week.

That means that one bill I was hoping to pay, I couldn't. I needed part of the money from the expense check to pay it. My poor depleted savings account can't stand any more hits.

The insurance company has denied, for a second time, to pay anything additional on the x-rays the doctor ordered to determine if I have arthritis. The thing is, an x-ray really isn't going to tell you much. You need an MRI for that. But the insurance companies won't pay for an MRI if you haven't had the x-rays. So, we get the comprehensive x-rays, to be certain, and now they are telling me I didn't need those to determine if it's arthritis. So there's a $300 bill I have to pay.

Because I didn't get an expense check, I don't have money for the Meloxicam. I took the last one on Wednesday night. I'll get more on Tuesday, when the next expense check is supposed to come. Hence, I have been dealing with pain all weekend. I suppose it's a good (?) way to see just how bad or good things are. And the assessment is thus:  my right hand is 95% healed. I have some very minor pain in the middle finger and in the wrist. The middle finger on my left hand is 60% healed, while the wrist is 90% healed.

But the knees are a huge problem. It's not the moving once I get up, it's the actual getting up. I realized last night, that if there ever was an emergency where I had to get out of bed fast, that's not going to happen. Nothing happens "fast" anymore. The phone rings. If I am not right by it, forget about me getting there before it goes to voice mail. I pause at the top of the stairs to go into the basement to do laundry. Going up doesn't seem so bad. Going down hurts.

The ants are gone now so I can do a thorough clean-up of the kitchen. I want to bake. Dishes take twice as long because lifting things and holding them is problematic. Well meaning friends have said, "Maybe you need to see another doctor." Maybe, but what do I pay him with? A second opinion is going to cost me double my current co-pay. When you're living on the edge, you don't do things that extend you over the edge.

What if this is what it's like for the rest of my life? I have learned to live with a lot and I'll learn to live with this. There are things I simply can't do, that I will need to find help for. For example, I bought a bed frame to raise the mattress and box springs up higher. I can't assemble it, nor can I move the mattress and box springs onto it even if I could assemble it. Will this affect my sewing and crafting? It makes me slower but, so far, I can still do that. Plus, I can still type, slower, but I know where all the keys are. And, I can still read.

I'm trying to look at things from the perspective of the Black Knight. If you don't know that name, it's from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. If you've never seen it, be warned, it's slightly gory. The Black Knight says, after having both arms lopped off, "It's just a flesh wound." That could be considered ridiculously silly optimism, but I'm trying to see it as I can still go on in spite of some large obstacles.

I have this book somewhere, In Praise of Slowness, where the author pleaded with readers to embrace the slowing down of life, the stopping not just to smell to roses but to admire them and the bed in which they grow. I'm trying to embrace that philosophy, too. It's not just slowing down, it's realigning priorities.

But I have to admit that I am depressed. I took a lot for granted and when doing simple things like a load of dishes becomes a major event, I feel lost. I have adapted to other major changes, I will as well to this.

Beverage:  Edinburgh's Finest tea

Deb

Update

A couple of friends sent emails asking for an update on my health. So, I shall oblige.

I think my left hand looks swollen still, especially in the fingers. I made an oops last month in paying bills, forgetting to pay the gas bill. I couldn't understand, when I got this month's bill, why they claimed I owed them for last month. Hadn't I paid...oops. Guess not.

So, this has meant that I needed to send them something, as I can't pay the whole bill now. That cut into my reserves meaning I had no money until I received an expense check today, to go get my Meloxicam. I toughed it out over the weekend.

What I learned is that my wrists have healed to 90%. My thumbs are at 80%. The pinky fingers are at 95%. The middle fingers, maybe 30% better. I still don't understand why both of my middle fingers hurt so badly. I didn't land on them.

My knees are 15% better. The left one is much better than the right one, but, as a whole, they are very, very, very slowly improving. The Meloxicam does work at helping me deal with the pain. It was so very hard to stand up and sit down over the weekend. If I can get up, I can get going and my knees don't hurt.  But I tire easily and have to sit down after about 45 minutes to an hour of standing.

I still have the cough from the sinus infection but the infection itself is gone. I forced myself to take the last 3 days of the antibiotic but have tried to remind myself that the next time this happens, I must tell the doctor that more than a week of these designer antibiotics cause me to be sick to my stomach within 10 minutes of taking them, with or without food. It is not pleasant. The cough is diminishing and I figure it will be contained with allergy meds or cough drops.

I'm angry at myself for screwing up my bill paying system. This is going to have a cascading effect because I have to pay this all off next month and I'm not making the overtime to do that. I'm worried that, because things are really tight right now, this will continue into next month. I was doing so well, too. I can't even find last month's bill. I have the sickening feeling it got stuffed accidentally into some junk mail and recycled.

So, life is on hold right now. I'm eating up what I can find in the fridge. I have to try to juggle some money so I can put gas in the car to drive to an installation in Indiana on Thursday. There's no money for new kitty litter or cereal until next week. And I'm out of raisins! How can I eat my weekend oatmeal without raisins?

Oh well, this is nothing I haven't dealt with before. I'll get the Meloxicam tomorrow and I'll be able to, if not jump out of bed in the morning, at least not groan when I stand up.

Beverage:  Water

Deb

Unbelievable

The phone bills provide me with monthly stress. They come due at a time of the month when what's available won't always cover what's being charged.

I get two bills. AT&T provides my Internet and local phone service. I have a land line, and understand, it's what I want, and DSL. If I were to go to cell service only, I would probably have more choices in phone service, but AT&T seems to provide the only land line service available. There was a time when others tried to compete, but they withdrew. Plus, I don't want three separate bills nor do I want "bundled" service that includes cable TV which I will not watch. It's not that I boycott TV, as appealing as that is sometimes. I just don't watch TV so why pay for a service I don't use?

Anyway, this is my long-distance bill for December. Now, the company that provides my long-distance is very inexpensive and provides very good service. When I call them, I get a live person. I've had to call them, in the, probably 10+ years I've had them, exactly 3 times. The company is Working Assets. My friend, Melody Eastman, suggested I look into them. I have been so very pleased with them over the years.

I have no idea how the bill came to be a whole 67 cents. I know I was late with November's bill, thanks to the alternator mess so I must have overpaid. While that's probably not a good payment strategy when one is trying to reign in expenditures, this month, it worked in my favor.

What's also unbelievable is that I will pay this online, quickly and easily. Carole has probably fainted. "My mom is living in the 21st Century?"

Unbelievable.

Beverage:  Scottish Blend tea

Deb

Welcome to November

And you are being ignored.

She's beautiful, even if she didn't want to turn around and pose.

The month has started out very odd. I broke my digital camera on Saturday. I came home from getting my hair cut. While trying to find a suitable spot to pose, I slipped and the camera went flying. It hit the deck with the lens open. Ouch. I couldn't deal with it then because Iowa was on TV and they were at half-time of Iowa's 37 to 6 rout of Michigan State.

After that was over, I ordered pizza and sat down to play the game. My guild and I were involved in a grand event that was an awful lot of fun. It was late when I went to bed.

Sunday morning, I got up and sat down to deal with the pile of stuff to my right. I sent out at least 6 letters and some late birthday cards and found the Target bill I knew I'd received. I keep thinking I have a phone bill to pay but it seems I paid that, although I don't remember doing it. There is enough cash to cover expenses for a small trip I'm planning. Plus, I turned in my time-sheet for last week and that's a nice chunk of change to my account for the drive to Iowa and into the city to look at a job. Plus, I'm in the city for two days this week which includes overtime so there will be something next week, as well.

Thanks to Carole's friend, Niles, I found a new digital camera for a very good price. It was so good, I could do rush handling and over-night shipping and pay less than anything I could find on the shelves. If the email they sent today is true, I'll have the new camera in my hands tomorrow when I get home. My little Nikon was about 6 years old, but it was still a good camera for me. I got something with more bells and whistles and more memory for less money. I'd rather not have to spend that and this may come back to bite me, but I'm taking a small trip and I'd like to have a camera for it.

So now I go home and start the packing process. My house isn't as clean as I would like it to be and that's important to me. Plus, I need some face time with Ms. Diva and her sister.

I could have used that extra hour last Sunday instead of this Sunday.

Beverage: Irish Breakfast tea

Deb

Something for me.

This morning was bill paying time. I seem to be missing the phone bill but I'll bet it's in the pile to my right. I have paid everything else and have enough for a bit of travel this upcoming week. I even, and I hope you're sitting down, added 2 creditors to my online bill payers. For some reason, I got enough ahead on my electric bill that October's amount was $1.47. My water bill was the same way. I only owe $4.45 this month. It kind of seemed silly to send a check for each amount so I paid them online. Me! I did it!

So, I have a bit extra and I can order that one item for one more special person on my Christmas list. Plus, I can order my annual Campbell's Christmas ornament. Of all the things I did last year, this is one thing I squeezed out of the budget. This year, it's easier to justify the purchase.

I've been doing this since 1980. I have one big plastic storage bin that is nothing but Campbell's ornaments. I might be missing a year that has broken, I'll have to check. But I have not missed getting an ornament since 1980.

It used to be that you had to send 2 soup labels plus a nominal amount, something like $3.95. I don't remember when they dropped the label requirement, but the price hasn't gone up all that much. I paid $6.95 for this year's. I don't live in Michigan, so I don't have to pay tax on the purchase.

The blue of this year's ornament is quite distinctive. They have had clear glass, white glass, red glass, gold glass and I think there's a green glass one in the collection. I have enough that my whole tree could be Campbell's Soup ornaments.

I don't actively collect much anymore. I used to go out of my way to get the small hand bells you see at tourist locations. If one strikes me as unusual, I will get it, but I don't go out of my way to add to the collection. But, this ornament is one thing I do actively get, every year, without fail. Ordered today, it should be here in time to adorn the tree in December.

If you are interested in getting one of your own, you can find it here at www.CampbellShop.com. I'm actually eyeing the reusable bags. I have a few but it seems like it's never enough for those days that I do my monster shopping. Then again, it's getting close to Christmas and birthday time and people will be wanting suggestions. Reusable bags would be a great idea, not that I'm hinting.

Beverage: Irish Breakfast tea

Deb

It's amazing what you get used to.

So stopping is a good thing.

The brakes on the car are fixed. Brakes, oil change and flat tire came in at $388, which is $12 less than what I had to spend.

I picked up the car and Pam followed me to make sure everything drove well. Holy stopping point, Batman! I pulled out of the mechanic, drove about 200 feet and stopped at the 4-way intersection east of the mechanic. I merely had to tap the brakes and the car STOPPED! I mean STOPPED! Halted! Didn't go any farther!

I could stop before, but I would press the brake pedal down almost all the way. I know it's a gradual wear. Depending upon the amount and style of driving you do, you wear your brakes out slowly or faster. I didn't realize, until I got into the car last night with new brakes, that what I experienced wasn't right. I was stopping and stopping very well, thank you, so what seems to be the problem here? Given that I'm not on the road as much as I used to be, I probably won't need the extensive brake work for another couple of years.

Next repair is Monday. The water pump is dying and that has to be replaced. Fortunately, I get paid on Friday and can pay for that, but the next stress is what don't I pay to cover this?

I just tell myself that "it is what it is". I'm not going out of my way to be a deadbeat, life just tossed me some rocks instead of flowers. I have some cash to go get groceries and I can pay the most important bills.

It's not the life I wanted, but it's the life I have. That's what the luck journal reminds me. I think about people who have lost homes and I have experience with family who lost homes in the great Cedar Rapids flood. I still have everything and it could be a whole lot worse.

So, I stop and give quiet thanks for having frozen chicken breasts in a bag in the freezer even if, for the third day in a row, I forgot to take some out and set to marinating in homemade teriyaki sauce.

Beverage: Earl Gray tea

Deb

It is what it is.

This will be something of a rant. If you are one of the people who responded to my Facebook post with what I am about to discuss, I am sorry if I offend you. I think you don't mean to not understand, but you don't and I'm going to try to help you understand.

The Jeep is not well. As I said yesterday, the brake light came on. They fixed the flat and did the oil change and then tried to determine why the brake light came on. They discovered there was no brake fluid. None. How I was able to continue to stop, they have no clue. I admit that the brakes felt a little "slow" but I also know that it's been awhile since I had any brake work done so I felt maybe things were out of alignment or something.

Secondly, there was little coolant in the reservoir. There had been a leak last year, but I had refilled the reservoir twice and it was fine. I do admit to not checking after April, but I didn't notice anything awry.

My mechanic flat out told me, even raising his voice at me, that the car was not safe to drive particularly because of the no brake fluid issue. Without knowing where the leak is, because he said it never just evaporates, they could not guarantee I would have brakes to get home or get back to them, even though they refilled the brake fluid. The master cylinder on the right side was rusted so they couldn't take that off to see if the leak was in there. They sprayed it with goop and hoped by today, they could get it open.

It was way after 5:30, by the time they explained the problems to me. I had no money on me for a taxi. I desperately wanted to drive my car, but felt that knowing what the problem was would make me really nervous. My mechanic is a good 6 miles from my house, but I honestly thought of walking home. I could have walked to Pam's, I realize, in the light of morning. But, last night, I wasn't thinking particularly clear. As it was, Debbie from the shop, gave me a ride home.

I have reviewed my finances, indeed, I did that repeatedly over the course of the evening. I have $400 in hand for repairs. Anything more would have to come on Friday when I get my paycheck. Anything more cuts dramatically into available funds to pay my bills. This then digs the hole deeper.

Several well-meaning friends have said, "Gee Deb. It's time for a new car." If you have been a long time reader, you are, or should be, aware that money is beyond tight. I have friends who know this all too well from their life situation. First of all, I would need a trade in. According to the Kelly Blue Book online, my Jeep would fetch me $2500. I have no additional funds, short of taking more from my meager retirement account, to contribute to this. Second, I cannot, absolutely cannot, have car payments. I missed paying my Discover bill this month. It got stuck in with a letter from a charity I would love to support, but cannot. Therefore, I have service charges and a double payment to make on that. I knew, at the end of last month, I couldn't pay it when I did my bills but I could have paid it on time later in the month, had I not screwed up the filing of my bills to keep things in order. A newer car is out of the question. Period.

And what do I do about just the run-of-the-mill life things? I was going to go grocery shopping. I can't. What if my car just simply isn't fixable? I can walk to work every day. It's a little over 2 miles one way. The "rules" for working here are that you must have a working vehicle. Would I lose my job because I am out a vehicle? Not likely, but I would be told to get a car as soon as possible. I would have to rent and that gets back to having no funds in the first place. It would be a bit before I could get a working vehicle and that assumes they would take the Jeep in trade. If not, I have to junk it and then can only spend what the salvage value is.

I know you mean well when you say, "Time for a new car", but you don't seem to understand the reality of my situation. Maybe my house of cards would have collapsed over the winter anyway, but 5th 3rd blew it all in back in October and knocked down in April what I had worked to repair. I have my last anti-inflammatory pill for tomorrow. I will be back to no money for the co-pay on the doctor visits. If my shoulder acts up, well, it acts up. I currently have kitty litter and cat food. They will be fed before me. I will go without. I need to scrape up some money to pay Zeke for mowing the lawn. Thankfully, he understands I don't want putting green looking so he only mows it when it gets shaggy. I currently owe him $50. I will pay him before paying someone else.

It is what it is. If I needed an impetus for stopping the paper, this is it. That money can be used elsewhere. Plus, a friend called last night and has offered to save her papers and I can get them once a week. My game, where I tried to lose myself and not think of things but failed last night, is paid up through October. I need to pay for Internet access so I can still play it so that is high on the pay priority. To say that I spent quite a bit of last night in tears is a slight understatement. Carole called with a car suggestion which we will investigate. She was upbeat where I was not.

"It always works out, mom." I wish I could share her optimism. I kept telling myself that worry wouldn't make anything better. I know this but it's impossible to keep that wolf at bay. Another friend suggested selling stuff I don't want on eBay. I would need dedicated help to get that going and the chances of me selling enough stuff to make it worthwhile are slim. I have a couple of other avenues to explore.

My water bill went up $1.40 per month and my house payment did its ever escalating climb due to higher taxes. That's an additional $59 a month, not to mention I skipped June's payment in an attempt to get caught up. I was able to get close, but not close enough. Now, I have that to make up. And because I can't pay everything on time, there are the service charges.

I don't splash this on my blog to elicit pity or even ask for help. It is what it is. I have learned to simply be in the moment. The worry that I won't be able to pay for whatever repairs they attempt is real but it is what it is. I will simply have to do the best I can.

Please don't tell me I need a new car. I need a lot of things. I'm really, really low on hope and optimism and if you can tell me where to find those items free, I would be grateful. I let my "luck journal" lapse back in May so I resumed that last night only to remind myself that in spite of things looking very bad right now, I do have small pieces of luck. The basement was 95% dry this morning. That is one good way to start out the day.

Beverage: Scottish Blend tea

Deb

Another step.

I have a new bank. Finally, after doing so much research my head seemed to spin, I opened a new savings and checking account at Chase Bank. They have a branch in the Dominicks grocery store where I do a lot of shopping. Plus, both the grocery branch and a brick and mortar building are within 2 blocks of the office.

They were very nice and helpful and answered all my questions. I explained my situation and what I needed. The selling point on Chase was "funds availability". I have always had problems with 5th 3rd holding my paycheck or expense check or any other direct deposited monies for at least 24-48 hours. Expense checks would be held for 5 days. The guy at Chase just sort of blinked at me and then said, "Um...we don't do that. Once you've had a test deposit go through, we know that account depositing your money and it's available that day. The only time it might be held is when it's a 5-6 figure number."

They also will help me balance my checkbook. I received a paper statement yesterday regarding my savings account. On the back was a very clear, step-by-step explanation on how to make your account agree with the statement. It even says, "If you find you cannot make this agree, please come into one of our branches where a friendly account representative can assist you."

I was shown online bill paying last week and I'm really impressed with that. I may, eventually, go that route for all my bills. When you pay a bill, it's automatically deducted from your account. I like that because then my check register matches my account. I may decide to online pay most of my bills, but we'll see. Carole will testify that I resisted a debit card for years. Now, I can't imagine not having one.

Chase was, maybe still is, having a promotion where you get a card in the mail that will reward you with $100 for setting up a new checking account with them. I got the card AFTER I set up my account. I figured I'd get a run around about including this $100. Nope. The guy took the card, typed in the numbers and I got the $100.

He also changed my debit card to one that is going to work better for me. The most popular card rewards you for gas, fast food, groceries and coffee, up to 3% back straight into your checking account, assuming you spend $500 a month on those items. I don't spend that much. Even if I have to put gas in the Jeep AND buy groceries, it's never over $500 a month. So, the new debit card will give me 1% back on everything I buy. As I'm facing car repairs soon, that will be a chunk of change.

I have my writing earnings deposited directly into my new savings account. That showed up over the weekend. It was very nice to see and made me feel that I was actually a published author.

So, another step on the road back to not feeling as if the world is collapsing in on me. I was able to send Carole some money for flowers for the front of her house and I loaned Rodney $20 for gas. I have not been able to do this in at least 6 months. I don't have much but being able to do this makes me feel richer than ever.

Beverage: Scottish Blend tea

Deb

Duct tape doesn't work?

Rodney and I were on our way into the city when there was a beep from my car. It's the noise that says one of the gauges need attending. It was, unfortunately, the thermostat.

Last year, I had to replace the water pump. That died and the engine overheated. I"ll never forget stopping at a light on my way to Sycamore quarry and the steam just rolling out from under the hood. I'm no mechanic, but even I know that's not a good thing.

This time, we were in stop and go traffic on the Eisenhower Expressway. The gauge went into the red, went down, went back up and then went all the way up. Fortunately, we were near an exit. Rodney looked and there was no antifreeze in the bottle. Quickly dashing to this Target, I got a bottle and we overfilled the container.

My car sounded better, I think, but that could just be the 'placebo' effect, that because you've done something, you expect results. We got to the job site and Rodney had another look. All the antifreeze we had poured into the bottle was gone.

When we left, we looked under the car and there was no puddle. I don't know how long this has been going on, but there's never been a puddle under my car after a day of driving. I looked this morning before going to work. I drove into the city again today and the gauge didn't move. It was fine. Traffic wasn't as bad as yesterday, but it was still stop and go. If there was a problem, wouldn't it show up again?

I found some antifreeze in the basement last night when I was doing laundry. I have no idea of its age. The container was covered in dust. Does it go bad? I cannot pay for repairs for this car. I realize that the online payment of a couple of bills did not go through at the end of last month so tonight I have to redo that. It makes me angry because I did last Sunday. I feel as if my bank will make their system so convoluted that you're sure to default or incur overage or late fees because they want to make scads of money off you. So the prospect of having a major repair such as the water pump again or the radiator fills me with dread.

Rodney said we'd look at it tomorrow and see if it's a minor thing. Minor, I can handle. Anything else is a kick in the shins.

Beverage: Water

Deb

AWK! Blog post! Blog post!

On Friday, August 7th, I had to go back to Fort Madison to service one of the machines on this highway job. It quit calling out remotely on the 26th. We were having such problems with the communications on all our remote units that we weren't sure if this was a communication problem or if the machine had a problem. It seems the battery on the machine had been drained. That'll do it. Low battery means it won't call out, no matter how hard it tries. It also means a 5 hour one-way trip to fix this. And with the communication problem, we aren't exactly sure that replacing the battery will make the machine call in.

Oh well. It gives me something to do.

I head west. It's a heavily overcast day with the threat of rain. I drive through some spitting showers, nothing major until I get to 40 minutes from Iowa on I-80.

You know these kinds of rains. God unzips the rain clouds and has his angels overturn buckets of wash water. You can't see. Sky, horizon and ground meld into a gray gauze. Instinctively, you take your foot off the accelerator because if anything happens in front of you, you want to be able to stop. Westbound traffic is relatively light so I peer into the immediate distance trying to get some idea of where I am. I have to get off I-80 and head south to Galesburg, but I can't see road signs for where I am.

Too late, the exit for I-74 to Peoria wanders by and I realize I have missed my turn. I push onward hoping there will be some identifying marker that tells me I can get off and turn around, but there isn't one. 10 minutes more and the rain ends, leaving the pavement covered in water. The Mississippi River bridge looms ahead and I am in Iowa.

I take a quick glance at the map and exit at Route 67 south. I have to go south to Fort Madison. The sky ahead is that deep blackish blue of an impending storm. As I am driving south through Davenport, the sky opens again. I unzip part of the window and smell the familiar odor of a Midwest summer thunderstorm.

It's hard to describe it, particularly along the river. There is the smell of the earth, the smell of mud, the smell of water and the smell of humanity. A series of hard storm like this washes away the urban smell and replaces it with a fresh smell. I love to walk in the rain and smell the earth and the water. Even a driving rainstorm, as long as there is no lightning, is a wonderful feeling. Rain water is good for your hair and skin and sitting on the deck at night with a cup of tea getting drenched in the summer is heaven.

I continued south. By the time I got to Fort Madison, the sun had come out on a few occasions and steam was rising from the small woods or hollows visible from the road. I got some lunch and headed to the non-working instrument. One battery change, a 15 minute job, and the machine called out on its own. A crack gauge I had installed on the south side of the house fell off so I had to install another one. We use hot glue to affix it to the brick. A liberal application of rubbing alcohol will dissolve the glue and pop off the gauge.

It took a few minutes because the gauge wouldn't stick at first. Then I didn't have enough glue and it had started to rain lightly again and I was getting soaked. When the gauge finally stuck, I stood up and bent over to pick up my bag. Attached to my jeans was the largest bug I had ever seen. It looked like a june bug on Miracle Gro AND steroids. It was light green with red tinges. I have no idea what it was, but I brushed it off quickly, grabbed my bag and walked smartly to the Jeep, whose passenger door was standing open in an ever increasing shower. The communications center in Atlanta, Georgia called to tell me my machine had called in and done a full download. I hopped into the Jeep and thought, "Dang! That would have been an incredible blog post!"

So, I got out of the Jeep and went to find the bug, but it was gone. I got back into the Jeep and headed home, stopping in Fort Madison for $2.45 per gallon mid-grade blend gas.

That, dear reader, is a synopsis of what I do. The money I'll get for expenses based on mileage will cover the rest of this month's bills AND pay for more blood tests for Betsy to see how much fluids she should get. I used to put 300 miles on a week but I run the office more these days. Part of me misses the time spent in the car on job sites, but most of me is grateful for not climbing in and out of cars and quarries and construction sites. Life is a series of trade-offs. I enjoyed classical music on my CD player while driving through rain storms. It was okay.

Beverage: Strawberry Crush

Deb