A Visit From A Friend, Sort Of

I was cleaning up the kitchen on Sunday and found this little guy.

This is the Chinese lady bug. They were imported some years ago to supplement the American lady bugs we have because we didn't have enough to eat aphids and other nasty pests on our crops. Lacking natural predators in the US, the Chinese lady bug populations have exploded, while American lady bugs have remained fairly stable. I couldn't find any articles online detailing whether the influx of Chinese lady bugs has helped with the aphid problem.

These little guys have more black spots and a more orange back. They are also better acclimatized to colder weather so you'll see them active long after American lady bugs have gone into crevasses to overwinter. This version also bites. That gives lady bugs, in general, a bad name. The red ones, the American lady bug, does not bite. It's kind of fun to have one crawling across your hand in the summer.

Because of the benefits of having lady bugs in your garden, they are believed to be lucky and to kill one is akin to breaking a mirror. If you hold one and make a wish, whichever direction it flies indicates which direction your wish will come from. Finding a lady bug inside during the winter, when the bugs are supposed to be hibernating, was considered a 'good omen'. Nowadays, we know that just means the inside of your house is toasty warm and the insect thinks it's spring. Still, a 'good omen' is something we can all use.

Rather than kill the bug, I deposited it on the geranium in the front window. There probably aren't aphids on the plant, but perhaps it will overwinter. I figure it can't hurt. 

Beverage:  Darjeeling tea

Deb

For Vacation

It was time to empty the Lucky Cat over the weekend. This is the change I was carrying around in the wallet. The quarters never go into the Lucky Cat because they can't get out the other end without major help. (Yes, I'm aware of the image I have just implanted in your mind. *snicker*) When the nickles, dimes and pennies one is trying to stick into the bank fall back out due to lack of space, it's time to empty the bank.

I last emptied the cat a little over a year ago. I don't carry much in the way of cash. Most every place takes debit cards now so it's easier to whip out the debit than to carry cash. This is particularly true when expense checks and my salary are automatically deposited into my account. I remember the days when dad would cash his check and bring home a wad of bills for mom. In fact, I can remember when dad would simply endorse the back of the check and mom would take it to the bank. Everyone knows everyone else in a small town so her depositing his check and getting cash back was nothing out of the ordinary. I wonder if you can still do that in a small town.

Mom would take the cash and pull out a bunch of envelopes. On these envelopes were written all of the items for which we would need money during the course of a month. She put a set amount into each envelope and that envelope went into a box. Then, when it came time for lunch money for school, for instance, she'd pull out the appropriate envelope and send the amount with us to school. If there was an emergency, she'd do some math and pull money out across the board, making notes on the front of the envelope. Once the envelope front was covered with notes, dates and amounts, a new envelope was procured and the old one was saved until taxes had been done. Perhaps there were easier ways of budgeting but this worked for mom.

I shook out all the change inside the Lucky Cat and dropped it into the larger bank where I save my coins.

A year ago, I mentioned how I was within an inch of the top and would, possibly, need to take this in for counting. I think this added another half inch of coinage to the bank. It's getting heavy. I'm tempted to see just how much I've managed to save. When you don't walk around with bills in your wallet, accumulating change is much harder to do.

I thought about mom's budget system. There's probably close to $100 in change here. I could use that to start my own envelope system. A bit here for the gas bill. A bit here for groceries. A bit in this envelope for gas. A year ago, I contemplated using the debit card just for gas and groceries. I don't remember how I did. Did I actually follow through with that?

I'm going to keep dropping change into the Lucky Cat and use all of this for a vacation to see Carole this year. Circumstances prevented me from going anywhere last year. I miss my daughter and I want to see how she's doing. I think this is a good use of a long saved amount.

Beverage:  English Breakfast tea

Deb

Good Luck

In the box mom gave me back in March was a plastic bag containing these two items. Dad had these and, as she was cleaning, she stumbled across them. Dad kept a lot of things.

The bottom item is decorative. I don't remember seeing this up on a wall anywhere, but it's possible it was out in the garage. It's heavy metal and has a small bit of a green patina.

The horseshoe is a real horseshoe. I have no idea where he would have gotten it, but, with dad, he picked things up along the way and had a lot of friends who would have passed things along. It's worn on the bottom and edges so I'm guessing this had been used at some point. I do remember dad having a horseshoe over the side entrance to the garage when they lived in Marquette.

I think I have a horseshoe in the basement. I don't remember where I would have picked it up. From the Daily Wicca comes this note about horseshoes:

The belief that good luck will come from hanging a horseshoe above a door
originates from beliefs related to symbols of half-circles and crescents.
Early religions considered crescent shaped objects powerful and protective
signs. In ancient Yucatan and Peru, temples were built with arched doorways
because of this notion. In Spain the Moors designed their mosques in arch
formation. Ruins at Stonehenge, England, show that the religious grounds of the
sun-worshiping Druids were in semi-circles or horseshoe design. Down through the
Middle Ages churches and public buildings were built with arched windows and
doorways as a means of protection against evil.

It is thought that horseshoes originated with the Greeks during the 4th Century.
Horses were held sacred at that time, so their crescent-shaped shoes became
symbols of good luck. Added power came from the fact that the horseshoes were
made from iron, the metal that people believed guarded one from the power of
witches. Until recent years, horseshoes were made to hold seven nails, a mystic
and potent number. So its no wonder that the Greeks and Romans always kept a
horseshoe nailed to the wall for protection against almost anything.

There are two beliefs on how to hang your horseshoe. One is to hang your
horseshoe prong side up, so if the Devil should get too near, he will be sucked
in and destroyed. The other belief is that if you hang your horseshoe prong side
down, the good luck will pour out over your threshold, keeping the Devil from crossing it.

So, here's the thing, should I put the horseshoe prongs up or prongs down? Another superstition is that you want them prongs up to catch any good luck floating in the air. The opposite is to have them prongs down so all the good luck will spill out on people as they enter your house. If I really do have two of them, should I put one above each door or should I just mount it on the side of the house near the doors?Sigh. Decisions. Decisions.

I'll give the shoe a good washing first of all as it's kind of dirty and rusty and then see if I really do have another in the basement. If they are good luck, I should have them up on the outside. Lord knows I can use all the good luck I can get.

Beverage:  Edinburgh's Finest tea

Deb

Beauty

One of the blogs that I read, listed to the right, is Otchipotchi. I don't remember how I stumbled upon this blog but I love it. The blogger is Paula, a potter living in Portugal, and I very much enjoy looking at all the wonderful things she makes. I took a pottery class in college. It was fun, but it didn't grab me as something I would do for a long time. There are days, however, when I look at what Paula has crafted and my memories take me back to the time spent bending over a potter's wheel trying to get this lump of clay to resemble something more than a lump of clay that's taken a few too many turns around a potter's wheel. In addition to the pottery Paula makes, her photographs are gorgeous. You can tell she's an artist by her point of view in everything. Plus, she has a cat. What's not to like about that? Artistic AND a cat lover.

On July 13th, there was a post about red currants as well as a contest. I wrote up a couple of lines and forgot about it. Imagine my surprise when, checking back a few days later, my name was pulled from the pile. I was so delighted, I actually squealed, much to Pilchard's distaste as she was asleep in the chair next to me. The box came yesterday.

Both Pilchard and Mija looked at the item and deemed it boring. That means, of course, it's been thoroughly inspected, sniffed and approved and there is nothing else about the item worthy of further consideration and I shall now lie down where I cause the most impediment to your photography. (sigh)

I am not sure what I was expecting even though the contest clearly showed the bowls. The box wasn't very big. Here it is relative to my purse. I knew Paula was sending a porcelain bowl and the crunched nature of the box had me more than a little distressed. It fit very nicely in my mailbox so had there been some of this intermittent rain coming in unexpected downpours, it wouldn't have gotten wet, sitting on the front steps behind the milk box.

I opened it carefully, rather scared at what I would find. Paula's signature in her blog is the word, "Enjoy". I was delighted to see this in the package. Look! It's not a very clear photo since I have to use my phone's camera, but there is the word on a sticker affixed to the main bulk of the wrappings. Such a simple word. "Enjoy".

My anticipation grew as I removed this packet from the box. Nothing felt crunchy. You know if something fragile is broken. You pick it up and it moves in ways it probably shouldn't. Plus, there is a sound, a broken sound, coming from the parcel if it's not intact. There was none of this.

I unwrapped further and the parcel dwindled in size. Wow, I won both of them. I guess if I learn to read, I'd see both were the prize. I thought she was drawing two names. These were small. It was so exciting to remove layer after layer of tissue and a layer of bubble wrap to finally get to the reward.

Ta da! Two porcelain bowls. They are beautiful. My phone camera really cannot do justice to how delicate, yet hardy these are. They have the impression of, I think, baby's breath in them. I'm kind of a dork for not remembering since she talked about making these and showed a bit of the process.

Here's one of them outside where the lighting is a bit better.

See, the impression of the flowers? See how small they are? They came to me all the way from Paula's studio in Portugal. She knows how to pack things. There's nary a dent or a chip or an atom out of place.

You can see a bit better, the imprint of the flower here. I'll bring the office camera home this weekend and see if I can take some better photos, more representational, than these.

They are beautiful, so delicate, yet so strong. I love how they fit in my hand. I feel as if they want to be used somehow but I'm not sure what I'd put in them. I've never had anything like this before and I want to care for it properly. Right now, they are just sitting on the top of the organ in the living room, sitting with other things that have meaning for me.

The girls don't go up here unless I've cleared it off for dusting. These are in no danger of being knocked off by wayward cats.

We like to surround ourselves with stuff. This stuff represents a part of us. I have a commemorative football from my Iowa Hawkeyes, a globe made of slivers of semi-precious stones and a nutcracker. All of these are gifts and would fall into the category of "stuff". They represent parts of who I am. What about beauty? How many times do you add something to your life simply because it's beautiful? These two small bowls represent beauty to me, a simple and delicate beauty I can often overlook because I'm busy.

I am so thrilled to have received these. Thank you, Paula, for the contest. I don't consider myself very lucky but luck smiled on me when you drew my name. Enjoy? Yes, I shall.

Beverage:  Raspberry Zinger tea

Deb

13 13 13 13

It's Friday the thirteenth, the first of three such days this year. The next one is in April.

I don't associate the number 13 with bad luck. I'd happily stay on the 13th floor in the 13th room in a hotel. It doesn't bother me.

The day started out with me finding a seam undone in the Iowa Hawkeyes winter coat. I'll simply need to stitch it closed before wearing the coat. Considering the coat is something like 10+ years old, an undone seam is nothing.

Next, I had to walk through 5 inches of snow to get to the car. It's light and powdery so it's not a big deal. I'm not even going to shovel until tomorrow but I will bring the garbage can back from the street. I left it there yesterday as it was snowing heavily when I got home.

I made a typo in a proposal and didn't catch it. Mike caught it and was very upset. I understand it's not good, to have a typo in a proposal. I didn't mean for it to be there. I have repeatedly said that we need a master copy of the proposal for me to work off of and he resists. We have one now whether he wanted it or not. I read and read and read these things before sending them out and I missed this because it was buried in a sentence that was newly added. Change it, send it out again and attach a humourous "oops" to the new proposal. Maybe they didn't even notice it because we're way early before the deadline.

So, living with a black cat is not bad luck. About the only bad luck involved is tripping over her in the dark.

Beverage:  Water

Deb

Hahahahaha

Patt sent me this.

 

I had kind of forgotten it was Friday the 13th today. I think I've mentioned before that I think I'm exceptionally lucky that she allows me to live with her. 

Beverage:  Dr Pepper

Deb

Feeding the cat

It was time to empty the Lucky Cat Bank.

I mentioned last year how we got this bank from the Japanese pavilion at Epcot Center at Disney World. There was some lore with it. A white cat with the raised paw was to signify luck. You were to feed the cat but not count the amount of money you fed it. By this anonymous method, you watched the amount of your change grow.

I couldn't get change to stay in the bank anymore as the interior contents were up to the slot at the back of the head. Originally, the bottom hole was covered with green felt. But that had to be removed in order to retrieve the coins in the bank. And we discovered quarters don't come out easily, so a groove had to be carved in the bottom hole and quarters had to be turned on edge and pulled out. So, the only coins in the bank are pennies, nickels and dimes. When you don't spend them, however, eventually, they add up.

I emptied the coins from my wallet. That's the pile to the right containing a few quarters. Then, I peeled the tape off the bottom and started shaking out the contents.

It turned out to be a goodly amount of coinage.

All of this goes into a bank Carole and I made over 10 years ago, right about the time her dad left us. We were feeling very low and wondering how we were going to make any ends meet, let alone pay the mortgage and utilities and provide for the few things she needed in high school. We decided we needed some symbol, something to rally around as emblematic of how we weren't going to be beaten down.

It's a heavy cardboard heart-shaped container. We decorated it and I used a quote from Shakespeare's Tempest Keep. Prospero says it in Act 4, Scene 1.

Our revels now are ended. These our actors,

As I foretold you, were all spirits, and
Are melted into air, into thin air:
And like the baseless fabric of this vision,
The cloud-capp'd tow'rs, the gorgeous palaces,
The solemn temples, the great globe itself,
Yea, all which it inherit, shall dissolve,
And, like this insubstantial pageant faded,
Leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff
As dreams are made on; and our little life
Is rounded with a sleep.

I used this quote to remind us that as long as we had dreams, we were good. There are days when I don't believe my sentiments, but, for the most part, I have held to this. As long as I can dream, I am good.

I have emptied this container three times since we made it. All the times were in preparation for a vacation. I don't empty it until the lid won't sit on it square anymore.

It's about half-full now. Buried under the coins are a few dollar bills I added back in June. I try to resist the urge to fish them out. I can't remember when I emptied this last; I might be going on 2 years now. With a debit card in my wallet, I rarely carry cash about, although I have been doing that in an effort to keep track of where my cash goes. If all I have to spend is the $3.00 in my wallet, I'm going to think three or four times about buying that overpriced bottle of soda.

I have no clue how much was contributed to the dream keeper. That's as it should be. If I remember correctly, I've turned in $117, $98 and $86 in coin and bills.

Remember how saving your loose change was something everyone did? You walked into a home and pretty much everyone had a change jar. My friend Terry had a jar that she and her hubby filled with pennies. It was dubbed the "Pennies for Paris" jar. They turned it in and put the proceeds into a fund to go to Paris. I remember her saying it wasn't much every time they turned it in, but it certainly added up.

It may be an anachronism to save one's change. For me, however, it is a reminder of how far I've come when I can put a couple handfuls of coins into a dream.

Beverage: Scottish Blend tea

Deb

Resolutions, failed and kept

One hundred twenty-one days left in the year.

It's September already. The summer was a blur. I've not been in the best of moods, grappling with an ennui I recognize. It seems to have settled in and I find myself preferring to just sit or sleep, rather than stay in touch with friends. "Wouldda, couldda, shouldda" has the siblings "can't" and "won't" with them.

So, I look at my resolutions, crafted back in the snowy start to the year, and I'm assessing how I'm doing.

Read a book a month. I have completed 4 books but the remaining 8 for a full year, aren't going to be read. Still, this is a mild success since I hadn't really read books at all last year.

Read a magazine a week. This is a definite success. I finished 6 magazines last month. I have chosen not to renew Mac/Life so that's not even coming in anymore. I gave them an additional try after I said "no more" and the one magazine I received was filled with iPhone and iPad stuff. Not all of us have this technology and it's a waste of my money to pay for something not useful to me.

Write a friend a real letter once a week. Abject failure. I'm writing, but it's not letters.

Add one more fruit or vegetable to my daily diet. This is a mild success. I read an article a month ago that said one of the problems with getting people to incorporate fruit and vegetables into their diet is that they cost so much more than chips. I'll attest to that. As much as I like fresh fruits and vegetables, they cost much more. And if you would prefer to buy local or organic, add 10-15% to the cost. I try to plan for that in the budget. I do try to have frozen on hand if I can't afford fresh so that I'm eating fruits and vegetables. Why don't people like peas? Just because I put them in everything...

Pay off one credit card. I am really close on this one. $150 and it will be gone. I have decided I will not use this card the rest of the year in the goal to get it paid off. Their minimum monthly payment is ridiculously low and that could entice me to stretch it out, but I'm not going to. It's an important mental victory for me to not have a bill from them every month. It's probably going to take through the end of the year as I try to make the income stretch, but it's going to be gone.

Pay for everything with cash. Successful except for gas and a few minor emergencies. And I bought that purse at Penney's. As we approach the massive gift giving orgy that is Christmas, it's going to be tempting to whip out the plastic. I'm going to do my level best to resist. I was able to use my salary to pay all but 3 bills yesterday. Those 3 will be paid next week. It's coming. It's a glacial pace, but it's coming.

Not stay up past 11:30 on work nights. This is mostly successful. I think I have done a decent job of telling my subconscious that "You are getting sleepy when you see 11:00 on your clock". I have, actually, been in bed by 11 lately. I am positive the ennui I feel contributes to that, but I have been sleeping much more soundly of late and I'm sure it's because I'm not going to bed at midnight and expecting to be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed at 6 when the alarm goes off.

Finish a craft project. Abject failure. My friend, Jessie, posted her craft projects to her blog and I had a huge twinge of "I have so many I want to finish". And then I wandered the aisles at Hobby Lobby thinking, "Oh I could use that to do this". Plus, I cleaned out the storage unit in the basement that holds my sewing patterns as well as cleared out two boxes that had junk in them. I found stuff I had forgotten I had but I found all my printing supplies. I just need the linoleum blocks and the ink and I can make my cards. Will I get beyond that? Who knows. Those steps in organization were huge on their own. This weekend, I'm off to Dick Blick Art Supplies for the linoleum block.

Don't get down on myself. 50-50 is about the best I can do here. I'm not plagued as much by the above "wouldda, couldda, shoulddas" as I used to be. I recognize the pothole for what it is. I can still fall into it or even stand in it, but it's not the gaping sinkhole from which there is no escape that these things were in the past. I wish I had someone I could hang around with, to take off and do stuff with. The loneliness gets to me. I've learned so much about myself this year, so much that makes me stronger. You'd think I could learn to be my own best company. When I'm standing in the kitchen, eating Cheerios out of the box, you know I'm glad there's no one around to "tsk tsk" at me. And yet, that would be rather nice.

I've learned not to pity myself. I've never had a use for pity anyway, but I would do the "oh, woe is me" even privately. I allow myself to feel bad and to be sorrowful and sad. Things aren't the way I would like them. But then, I force myself to sit down and write in my "Luck Journal" and I am reminded that I do have good luck and I can make good luck for myself. Life is what it is.

So, the end summation is that, while I have clearly failed in a couple of areas, I have succeeded in others. I am happy with the path on which I find myself. As I head into my favorite season, I am excited at what that season may bring.

Beverage: water

Deb

Blessing or Luck?

Things were sparse in the Luck Journal yesterday. Unlike Friday when I filled nearly a whole page, I had to really think about what kind of "lucky" things I could put on the page.

Life is like that.

One of the highlights of Friday was going to get a polish and fries from Flips down the road. Although I left around 11:30, it seemed as if many people had the same idea and many people felt Flips was the place to go. The line snaked back into the eating area.

Flips owner takes pride in fast service. He likes people to wait no more than 3 minutes for their food. It might take longer if you have a large order, but individual orders shouldn't involve lengthy waiting. It's reasonably good food too, standard for a fast food joint.

In front on me, on this day, were three members of Glen Ellyn's Fire Department. They were well-known to the owner of Flips who called them by name. Two of them and me ordered a polish. They got their sausage with stuff on it. I just want mustard. There was some confusion about the orders and I had to wait while another polish was cooked for me. It seems one of the firemen got mine. Oh well. So I have to wait. I knew it wouldn't be long and I knew it would be good food when I did get it.

The owner of Flips apologized profusely for the delay which amounted to a whole 8.5 minutes. "Free dessert. Free chips. What would you like? And here," he said, going to the cash register. "Two dollars off your meal for having to wait."

I said it wasn't necessary, that the food was worth waiting for, but he insisted. So I took a chocolate chip cookie. He turned to a guy and said, "Cookie, both!" and turned back to me, "I'll give you chocolate chip and oatmeal. I'm so sorry." What a way to make a day!

It was the little things all day that just make it a luck filled day. My online friend, Jonathan, and I were teasing each other about whether it's luck or blessings. He prefers to call what I'm keeping my "Blessings" journal. I have fallen back into "Luck" journal all because I'm not sure I believe these are blessings in a religious sense.

Whatever they are, they are serendipitous. It's easy to fall into a pothole and feel I can't get up. That book was right in one respect. When I find the luck/blessings, actively look for them, I find many more, even on days when it feels as if there isn't any luck.

Beverage: water

Deb

Define "funny".

On the 11th, I tossed a load of wash in the machine, turned it on and let it go. When it got to the spin cycle, the most horrible noise came from the basement. I dashed down there and the machine was "walking" around its corner of the basement, rubbing up against the wash tubs. If you've never seen a washing machine move about, it's not a pleasant sight.

I recognized that the load was unbalanced so I opened the top and immediately got the very annoying beeping with the "unbalanced" light. Yes, I know it's unbalanced. I'm going to fix it. Yes, I said this. Out loud. To the washing machine.

It was just darks with several pair of pants, nothing really heavy that could, to my mind, cause an "unbalanced" reading. But, physics being what it is, I rearranged everything, closed the top and waited. The machine went into "walk mode" after about 10 seconds. There was a "clunk" this time, too. I grabbed the front of the machine and put all my weight on it. That kept the vibrations to a minimum until the spin cycle was complete. I mashed my left hand's index finger between the washer and the laundry tubs which resulted in a nice bruise.

Now, I was rather scared by this. I do not, in any way, shape or form, have the means to purchase a new washer. And removing the old one will be problematic as that means a cleaning of the section of basement where the machine sits, not that I shouldn't do that anyway, but that's beside the point. What will I do if the machine, which is, admittedly 10 years old, dies. Hand washing is something I do know how to do.

I let the washer sit until the weekend and then I moved it around and shoved it back into the corner where it belongs. I put in a small load. It was fine. I have since worked my way up to medium-size loads. This bothers me because I'm using the same amount of energy to do a medium load as a full load but I tell myself that I need to be certain it's okay. No funny noise. No walking, just clean clothes. I do a load a day but maybe that's better on my older washer than a gigantic load once a week.

This episode and the evening with Pilchard and Mija chasing a mouse got me thinking about our use of language. I thought about talking to some of my online friends about the washer. Maybe it was the belt. How would I describe what was going on? Easy. "It's making a 'funny' noise," I'd start with.

What an interesting choice of word, 'funny'. We use this to describe the car, the washer, the copier at work, the toilet, the cats when they have a mouse, you name it. But when we use 'funny' in this manner it's not definition #1 - affording light mirth and laughter; seeking or intending to amuse. There's really nothing 'funny' about the 'funny' noise you're hearing.

And yet, what would we do without such a descriptor. When I say, "The washing machine was making a 'funny' noise," we instantly know what I'm saying. I think it's even more descriptive than, "The washing machine was making a horrid noise." We all have, in our heads, an idea of what constitutes a 'funny' washing machine noise. It's generally not of the "it's gonna blow" variety. A "horrid" noise, however, instantly causes you to think the machine is in its death throes.

But back to my household. The Jeep isn't making any funny noises, nor is the washing machine, nor have the cats, knock on wood. I would like, for the foreseeable future, for my noises to be of the "ha ha" variety and not the "oh dear, that doesn't sound good".

Beverage: Dr Pepper

Deb

Merci. Danke. Grazie, Dank u. Gracias. Thank you.

In any language, I am overwhelmed.

It started earlier in the week when I received a card from Patt. She sent the gift card shown to the right. I've never met her; I really should rectify that; but we've known each other 25 years. We "met" when she wrote an article for a railroad historical publication I was editing at the time. The town where she lived preserved their railroad depot after the trains pulled up and left and this effort was definitely of interest to the readers of the magazine. She enclosed a note that she wished we could have lunch together when I used the card. My sentiments exactly.

There is a Subway near the house. They opened in what used to me a neighborhood pharmacy. They sent, this week, the flyer advertising their one-year anniversary. Carole is in town for Pete's wedding today. LUNCH! We both got foot longs and a beverage and the total cost was $9.49. I never order a foot long for lunch because I can't eat the whole thing and it seems to get soggy by the end of the day. As we were eating lunch around 2, a foot long seemed appropriate. I wasn't hungry again until around 9, when I made popcorn.

Carole took her car to my mechanic for an oil change. They were busy but they fit her in. She used to go there when she lived here so they wanted to hear about her travels. I had one of their frequent oil change cards which gets you $25 off the price. That usually means their full service oil change is $6. Gee, I just had my oil change a week ago which filled up my card. The owner said, "No charge. You just dropped close to $700 on repairs. An oil change is nothing." They found a very small leak in something in the front but it's nothing that can't be addressed when she gets back to Connecticut.

We go home after she stopped at the office and there is a letter. I thought the handwriting on the front might look familiar, but not really. I open it and here is a Target gift card. My mysterious benefactor has outdone him or herself this time. In purple ink on the back it says, "From someone who has been there".

I don't know who you are and I understand that's probably for the best. I would be seeking ways to repay your kindness in kind and I can't, at least right now. The best I can do is be wise in the use of what you have given me. I am, however, going to get M&M's with part of this. I'm told the new pretzel ones are incredible and I must try them.

Oh! Target sells beer! Rational side of me says, "Beer is NOT a necessity right now. Sheesh."

So there are three wonderful entries in my luck journal. I think about some way to pay this forward, to share this with my friends who are down on their luck. Life is good and fun and I'm content with what I have. Plus, "I get by with a little help from my friends."

Oh yeah.

Beverage: Scottish Blend tea

Deb

Whole lotta breakfast

I was out of some stuff so I made a grocery run on Friday after work. For the first time in awhile, I actually checked the ad from the Wednesday paper to see what was on sale. Surprise! There were many things on sale that I had on the list. Talk about luck.

A notation was made in my luck journal. I find grocery shopping mildly annoying. While I don't shop for jeans or bedding or even a new computer when things aren't on sale, I have to buy food and it's not always on sale what you would like to eat or need to have in the house.

If I bought $10 worth of groceries, I could get Special K on sale, with a coupon, for $1.99. That is a great deal. There was a limit of 4, so I got 4. I'll be eating this for awhile.

Chocolate for breakfast. Life is good.

Beverage: Irish Breakfast Tea

Deb

It's amazing what you get used to.

So stopping is a good thing.

The brakes on the car are fixed. Brakes, oil change and flat tire came in at $388, which is $12 less than what I had to spend.

I picked up the car and Pam followed me to make sure everything drove well. Holy stopping point, Batman! I pulled out of the mechanic, drove about 200 feet and stopped at the 4-way intersection east of the mechanic. I merely had to tap the brakes and the car STOPPED! I mean STOPPED! Halted! Didn't go any farther!

I could stop before, but I would press the brake pedal down almost all the way. I know it's a gradual wear. Depending upon the amount and style of driving you do, you wear your brakes out slowly or faster. I didn't realize, until I got into the car last night with new brakes, that what I experienced wasn't right. I was stopping and stopping very well, thank you, so what seems to be the problem here? Given that I'm not on the road as much as I used to be, I probably won't need the extensive brake work for another couple of years.

Next repair is Monday. The water pump is dying and that has to be replaced. Fortunately, I get paid on Friday and can pay for that, but the next stress is what don't I pay to cover this?

I just tell myself that "it is what it is". I'm not going out of my way to be a deadbeat, life just tossed me some rocks instead of flowers. I have some cash to go get groceries and I can pay the most important bills.

It's not the life I wanted, but it's the life I have. That's what the luck journal reminds me. I think about people who have lost homes and I have experience with family who lost homes in the great Cedar Rapids flood. I still have everything and it could be a whole lot worse.

So, I stop and give quiet thanks for having frozen chicken breasts in a bag in the freezer even if, for the third day in a row, I forgot to take some out and set to marinating in homemade teriyaki sauce.

Beverage: Earl Gray tea

Deb

It is what it is.

This will be something of a rant. If you are one of the people who responded to my Facebook post with what I am about to discuss, I am sorry if I offend you. I think you don't mean to not understand, but you don't and I'm going to try to help you understand.

The Jeep is not well. As I said yesterday, the brake light came on. They fixed the flat and did the oil change and then tried to determine why the brake light came on. They discovered there was no brake fluid. None. How I was able to continue to stop, they have no clue. I admit that the brakes felt a little "slow" but I also know that it's been awhile since I had any brake work done so I felt maybe things were out of alignment or something.

Secondly, there was little coolant in the reservoir. There had been a leak last year, but I had refilled the reservoir twice and it was fine. I do admit to not checking after April, but I didn't notice anything awry.

My mechanic flat out told me, even raising his voice at me, that the car was not safe to drive particularly because of the no brake fluid issue. Without knowing where the leak is, because he said it never just evaporates, they could not guarantee I would have brakes to get home or get back to them, even though they refilled the brake fluid. The master cylinder on the right side was rusted so they couldn't take that off to see if the leak was in there. They sprayed it with goop and hoped by today, they could get it open.

It was way after 5:30, by the time they explained the problems to me. I had no money on me for a taxi. I desperately wanted to drive my car, but felt that knowing what the problem was would make me really nervous. My mechanic is a good 6 miles from my house, but I honestly thought of walking home. I could have walked to Pam's, I realize, in the light of morning. But, last night, I wasn't thinking particularly clear. As it was, Debbie from the shop, gave me a ride home.

I have reviewed my finances, indeed, I did that repeatedly over the course of the evening. I have $400 in hand for repairs. Anything more would have to come on Friday when I get my paycheck. Anything more cuts dramatically into available funds to pay my bills. This then digs the hole deeper.

Several well-meaning friends have said, "Gee Deb. It's time for a new car." If you have been a long time reader, you are, or should be, aware that money is beyond tight. I have friends who know this all too well from their life situation. First of all, I would need a trade in. According to the Kelly Blue Book online, my Jeep would fetch me $2500. I have no additional funds, short of taking more from my meager retirement account, to contribute to this. Second, I cannot, absolutely cannot, have car payments. I missed paying my Discover bill this month. It got stuck in with a letter from a charity I would love to support, but cannot. Therefore, I have service charges and a double payment to make on that. I knew, at the end of last month, I couldn't pay it when I did my bills but I could have paid it on time later in the month, had I not screwed up the filing of my bills to keep things in order. A newer car is out of the question. Period.

And what do I do about just the run-of-the-mill life things? I was going to go grocery shopping. I can't. What if my car just simply isn't fixable? I can walk to work every day. It's a little over 2 miles one way. The "rules" for working here are that you must have a working vehicle. Would I lose my job because I am out a vehicle? Not likely, but I would be told to get a car as soon as possible. I would have to rent and that gets back to having no funds in the first place. It would be a bit before I could get a working vehicle and that assumes they would take the Jeep in trade. If not, I have to junk it and then can only spend what the salvage value is.

I know you mean well when you say, "Time for a new car", but you don't seem to understand the reality of my situation. Maybe my house of cards would have collapsed over the winter anyway, but 5th 3rd blew it all in back in October and knocked down in April what I had worked to repair. I have my last anti-inflammatory pill for tomorrow. I will be back to no money for the co-pay on the doctor visits. If my shoulder acts up, well, it acts up. I currently have kitty litter and cat food. They will be fed before me. I will go without. I need to scrape up some money to pay Zeke for mowing the lawn. Thankfully, he understands I don't want putting green looking so he only mows it when it gets shaggy. I currently owe him $50. I will pay him before paying someone else.

It is what it is. If I needed an impetus for stopping the paper, this is it. That money can be used elsewhere. Plus, a friend called last night and has offered to save her papers and I can get them once a week. My game, where I tried to lose myself and not think of things but failed last night, is paid up through October. I need to pay for Internet access so I can still play it so that is high on the pay priority. To say that I spent quite a bit of last night in tears is a slight understatement. Carole called with a car suggestion which we will investigate. She was upbeat where I was not.

"It always works out, mom." I wish I could share her optimism. I kept telling myself that worry wouldn't make anything better. I know this but it's impossible to keep that wolf at bay. Another friend suggested selling stuff I don't want on eBay. I would need dedicated help to get that going and the chances of me selling enough stuff to make it worthwhile are slim. I have a couple of other avenues to explore.

My water bill went up $1.40 per month and my house payment did its ever escalating climb due to higher taxes. That's an additional $59 a month, not to mention I skipped June's payment in an attempt to get caught up. I was able to get close, but not close enough. Now, I have that to make up. And because I can't pay everything on time, there are the service charges.

I don't splash this on my blog to elicit pity or even ask for help. It is what it is. I have learned to simply be in the moment. The worry that I won't be able to pay for whatever repairs they attempt is real but it is what it is. I will simply have to do the best I can.

Please don't tell me I need a new car. I need a lot of things. I'm really, really low on hope and optimism and if you can tell me where to find those items free, I would be grateful. I let my "luck journal" lapse back in May so I resumed that last night only to remind myself that in spite of things looking very bad right now, I do have small pieces of luck. The basement was 95% dry this morning. That is one good way to start out the day.

Beverage: Scottish Blend tea

Deb

What Is It?

I hope you can read this comic. It was in the Sunday paper on April 11th. It's the last panel that struck me. (Click on the panel to enlarge.)

I don't agree with Agnes' assertion. In fact, I don't even find it particularly humorous. I see Grandma's comment as an example of finding happiness in the little, ordinary, every day things of our lives. In this comic, Agnes and Grandma are poor and they make do with whatever they have. That, in and of itself, to me, defines a kind of happiness many of us can't understand.

I used to think more, more, more meant I was happy. I realized that I filled the hole in myself with stuff in an unsuccessful attempt to ward off unhappiness. Since that realization, I have struggled, unsuccessfully at times, to be sure, to find happiness every day. Witness the "Luck" journal now evolving into a "Blessings" journal.

What makes someone happy will vary day by day, minute by minute. I have tomato soup, my last can, simmering on the stove. I have tossed in a small handful of rice, frozen peas and carrots and some Bacos. The smell as my supper cooks is wonderful. I have one container of pot roast ready for lunch tomorrow. I have frozen chicken breast pieces I toy with cooking. I will have to cook them this weekend, but how.

I have two cats who came running to greet me when I walked in the door. The only bill I received today was for the car insurance which I can pay monthly which removes the need to come up with hundreds of dollars all at once to be insured.

Business has picked up. It's been downright crazy this week. We have everything covered and the potential exists that I will, once again, have to go into the field to cover jobs. This is a good thing. I am more hopeful that friends I have who are currently out of work will find gainful employment this summer.

So, while Agnes may claim that a pecan stuck in one's tooth is not happiness, I would say

"Happiness is where you find it."

I have a friend who I think is entirely too negative, even for what slings and arrows he has suffered in his life. I know, from experience, that you cannot change anyone unless they wish to change, but what I'm trying to get him to see is that it's not gloom and doom. Even when he has to confront a person he thought was his friend, there can be a blessing and a happiness, however meager, in the event. It might be something as small as the knowledge that this person can no longer poison your life because you won't let them or that the sun is shining on a brilliantly beautiful afternoon.

It really becomes, "Is the glass half-full or half-empty?" I try to take the tact, "It's not whether it's half-full or half-empty, it's can I get another?" Your take on all of this is probably, "Why is she drinking her Asti from an Elmer Fudd glass?"

Beverage: Asti

Deb

A Blessing or Just Luck?

A friend of mine, whom I know only from World of Warcraft, has been talking about how blessed he is.

If you know me very well, you know I have issues with the institutionalized church. I felt the flavor (Lutheran) where I happened to worship God let me down in a big way when I divorced. Carole and I were openly shunned by members of the hierarchy of that particular building. When I asked if there were any programs for people going through divorce, the Bishop of the church himself said there was nothing official. Ministering to people like me was left to individual churches. I was, pretty much, on my own. The Catholic Church has divorce groups for people and they don't let you partake of church sacraments if you divorce. The Lutheran Church seemed to just pat you on the head and say, "It'll all be better. Now run along and play."

Hence I have, for the last 10 years, wrestled with this notion of a God who even cares, let alone passes blessings my way. A lot in my life would support the notion of a God who is "up there", probably loves me, but is relatively inactive in my life. Now, I'm not looking for a "Dear God, please cure my pen pal of her cancer." Or even a "Dear God, I really need a parking space in downtown Glen Ellyn." I do pray, on occasion, for others. I rarely pray for myself. If you've seen the movie "Bruce Almighty", remember the scene where Jim Carrey sits down at his computer to look at prayer requests and there are something like 3 million of them, just from a 20 block area. It's overload in deciding which one to grant and which to deny.

In a way, I feel God is like that. He gets so many prayers every nanosecond of every day that my simple, "Please give Charly a reason to smile today" goes unnoticed. It's not that I'm mad at God. I went through that when my dad died. It's just that God is busy elsewhere; Haiti, China, Iceland, down the street, that my little prayers get swallowed up by the whole. And when life kicks me yet again, especially when I've given my best and my best isn't good enough, it's hard to feel there is any sort of activity between this God and me. So Jon's occasional "I am so blessed" statements always sort of rubbed me the wrong way.

I spent last month making a conscious decision to change how I viewed my luck or lack thereof. The $14 slim paperback book I bought last year came down to a perception issue. Lucky people see themselves as lucky and see set backs as simply different views of luck. It was suggested to keep a luck journal, the book at the top, and write down every lucky thing that happened in the course of a day.

This was a challenge on some days. I started out with one entry per day, something as simple as "I am lucky I don't have any other person living with me. I can eat what I want when I want, sleep as long as I want, shower when I feel like it on weekends and, essentially, do my own thing." The longer I did this, the more small items I found that I could classify as "good luck". I found myself filling a page with things. Who knew there were so many things one could feel lucky about.

The best thing to come from this experiment was the change in my attitude and here's where the notion of blessings comes in. I felt kicked in the teeth by the bank, stomped on, used. Yet, it is what it is and I can't change things. I have emailed the situation to my representatives and my attorney general and the Better Business Bureau. I no more hold the hope that they will do anything and, in my email, I did not ask for anything. I said I simply wanted them to know what's happened to me and how this is not, as far as this consumer is concerned, bank reform. To date, I have heard back from the BBB and the attorney general's office and those were standard, "Thank you for sending us feedback" emails. I was upset on the 14th and then I let it go. No good can come from stewing about it. I move on. I recognize my change of attitude as coming directly from forcing myself to see things in light of good luck rather than bad.

So when Jon mentioned being blessed on the 12th, I sort of dismissed his comment, mentally giving him a pat on the head, a lollipop and sending him out the door to play with his friends. But the next day, I went to Iowa to fix a machine and I could not get his comment out of my head. "I am so blessed." Just what the hell does that mean and why is it pestering me like a sliver?

All the way to and from Iowa, I thought and thought about this. It was a glorious day. "I was blessed" to be driving to Iowa on a day such as that. "I was blessed" to have the machine call in the first time. "I was blessed" to have a dollar to pay the toll to go over the railroad bridge in Fort Madison. "I was blessed" to come home to two cats who were very, very happy to see me. "I was blessed" to have wonderful jazz CD's to listen to out and back. I could sit in my settee and make an arm's length list of all the ways I was blessed. Maybe there is something to this.

Of course, the afternoon of the 13th, I rather hit a wall at full steam when I discovered the problems with my checking account. I came home and grieved. The next day, as we had a company function to attend in the evening, I was sent home at noon since there's no overtime being paid until the economy gets better. I channeled the anger into emails and looked at my accounts. I discovered my math wasn't the best (Why are you not surprised?) and I have a small bit of funds as a cushion in the account. It still doesn't make up for a $74 overdraft charge but everything is accounted for and I'm in the black. I found credit on one card and was able to fill my gas tank and get $10 worth of groceries which included kitty treats. That evening, at the event, I was asked to draw numbers for the cash door prizes and drew Rodney's number. While it wasn't mine, he can use the cash as much as I can and he had never won. That is definately a blessing.

My journal has gone from a "Luck" journal to a "Blessing" journal. I need to be reminded that when things appear bad, I have much that is a blessing. It can be as simple as a big black cat lying in my lap purring to as grand as my clan buying me a brand new tent and paying the entry fees so I can attend the Illinois St. Andrew Society's Highland Games this year. It's about perspective. Do I think God has his/her hand in this? Meh. Shrug. I don't really know. I just know that by actively looking for the blessings even in the most dour situations, I can think clearer and act accordingly.

I am blessed.

Beverage: China Black Tea

Deb

Something I Haven't Seen

This morning, I'm talking with my friend, Tonia. I'm supposed to go into the city, where she lives, tomorrow. But we are in the middle of what may be the last gasp of winter. (See the post below.) My windshield wipers are not working. Best assumption is that the motor for the wipers needs to be replaced. Preliminary estimate starts at $175, which, as you might suspect. I don't have. So, I must refrain from driving any place when wipers are necessary for vision. How do I get to work? It's a 2 mile drive which I can do by using side streets up to 3 blocks from the office. I drive slow. I pull over and wait if I can't see. I just need to get to the end of the month and pay day to see what I can not pay this month to get this fixed. Yes, life is, for me, a juggling act. There is some light at the end of the tunnel but it's going to be a struggle to get there. I feel getting the oil changed and the wipers fixed as we head into spring and the rainy season trumps paying certain bills.

But back to the reason for the post. I'm sitting in my home office which overlooks the back yard. I am not wearing my glasses. I had been lounging in bed, playing with Mija when the phone rang. I gaze out at the back yard festooned with snow, and my eye spots something on the neighbor's fence. I'm very certain it wasn't there last night. I put on my glasses and see this.

Large birds perched on the neighbor's fence are not usual in my neighborhood. I think it was 4 years ago, I had a hawk perch in the tree which would be to the right off this photo. It was late March then too.

Tonia and I chatted for a good 45 minutes, all the while the hawk just sat there, occasionally scratching or preening. After Tonia hung up, I got the camera and was able to snap a couple of photos.

It hung around for another 30 minutes after I finished my conversation and then took off. I don't know that my yard is a hawk-friendly environment although rabbits, as we've seen, live here, and Rascal used to catch chipmunks that lived under the neighbor's air conditioning unit. I had mice make an attempt to come into the house last year, but, once again, Rascal saw to their disinvitation. Maybe there is enough food for a raptor. I'd welcome the bird.

But just what kind of bird is it? There are a lot of red-tailed hawks in the Chicagoland area. They like to nest in or near open pit rock quarries. They are redder than this bird and have more brown on the chest. They are also larger. When the bird took off and flew over the house, it did not have the distinctive red tail of the Buteo jamaicensis, red-tailed hawk. I had a suspect, however.

Over 10 years ago, a pair of Cooper's Hawks made a nest in a tree next to the home of one of Carole's friends. It was a grand summer, watching them nest, and rear and send 2 young hawks into the world. We would stand on the roof above the entry porch with binoculars and watch as a parent would bring home a rabbit or some other food item and these two, rather ugly chicks would clamor for food.

I looked up Cooper's Hawk and I believe, based on the description on the page linked, that's what the above is. I think this is an adult although I don't know the gender. Scouting my yard as a possible housing location? As I said, I wouldn't mind.

I liked the Cornell University Ornithology Lab's web description much better than Wikipedia. Back in the 1990's, I was a member of their Project FeederWatch. Four months out of the year, you watched, for a week, the activity at your bird feeder, counting and identifying all the birds that used it. It was great fun and, as I was home during the day, I could devote a morning or an afternoon to just sitting and watching. When I went back to work, I didn't have the time to devote to this. The feeder fell apart and I have never rejoined the effort. There are times I think about it, particularly now as the birds who overwintered are joined by those who went south. But until I reestablish a feeder, I don't have many visible birds in the yard. I hear them, but I'm not good at identifying bird calls, except for that stupid robin who sings way too loud in the summer.

There was a link on the side to a program called eBird. In clicking on it, I discovered it's a way to submit bird sighting information to the Cornell Lab. A few clicks and typings later, I had submitted my sighting of this bird. I didn't see a way to transmit these photos, but I'm sure, if someone wants to see them, they will contact me.

I've always felt raptors were good luck. I love driving back to Iowa and seeing Red-tails, Cooper's, Northern Goshawks and Broad-winged Hawks and the occasional Bald Eagle along the road, either perched in nearby trees or sitting on the power poles scanning the ditches for meals. They are all majestic birds, beautiful in flight and provide a very necessary niche in our environment. Perhaps having a hawk eyeballing my back yard is a sign that life will, in fact, be better this year. I'll take it as a good omen.

Beverage: English Tea Time

Deb

I can't find it.

In anticipation of a trip to the grocery, I was balancing my checkbook today. I have had a whole month of goodness, where every expenditure, every credit, every debit, every penny matched up. Of course this was too good to last.

The bank says I have $50 more than I say. Yes, it's a nice round number. I have searched and cannot find it.

Now, before you pat me nicely on the back and tell me I'm lucky, this is not good. As I have come to see, as the bank giveth, they taketh with equal measure. I cannot just write this in and think, "Whoopee! Delivery pizza tonight!" I need the numbers to match up or I will get behind again.

So, I have decided to assume my figure, which is the lower of the two, is correct. If, in fact, I do have, really, an extra $50 in the bank, I might as well keep it there as a cushion for those inevitable "oopes" that happen in life.

Now, off to the store for bananas and cheese and cereal and laundry detergent, among other things.

Beverage: Dr. Pepper

Deb

A new book

I finished the book about luck. It was interesting. Essentially, the keys to changing your luck are:

1. Have a network of friends. The more friends you have, the more you'll have people who know someone who can help when life goes sour.
2. Chat up people next to you in lines or when you're waiting for something or if you're on a plane ride some place. It could pay dividends.
3. A change of luck can be as simple as changing your outlook. Lucky people see the bad things in life as a challenge to be overcome, not as something that beats them down. It's a glass "half-full or half-empty" perspective.
4. Lucky people are always on the look-out for opportunities. They look at every situation as a potential for increasing good luck.

The author recommended keeping a "Luck Journal" for a month. I'm to write down every lucky event that happens every day. In this fashion, I can prove to myself that luck is all around me. I started last Thursday. Friday and Saturday were quite "lucky". Yesterday, not so much. I can be accused of looking more for the other shoe to drop than what is going right so this month-long attempt at the bright side will, no doubt, have a good effect on me. I will keep you posted.

So it's on to my next read. I chose something lighter.

Beverage: China Black tea

Deb

Finances According to Luck

The bank has done all that they will do.

They feel they are being more than generous when, clearly, I screwed up. Because I have no proof that they mishandled my deposit, they are refunding only a small portion of the overdraft fees charged to my account.

I spent part of Monday evening looking at other banks in the area. The one bank that seemed to have a perfect fit for me has no branches within a 30 minute drive of me. They are more a Chicago bank and not a suburban bank.

I called a couple banks who were next on the list but it would take at least a week to get new accounts up and running because, you know, they have to put a hold on your money to make sure any checks clear. I can see if it's from "John Doe", but when it's from "XYZ Financial Institution", that 5 day clear thing is male bovine excrement. I can't wait 5 days to have access to my money. I have to pay bills now. I can only pay a very small portion of them, too. It's just how it is. Some places are understanding. Others are not and tell me whatever account I'm calling about is "on hold" until I make it right. Fine.

I keep waiting for the proverbial "other shoe to drop".

I have a wee bit of cash on which I can live for the rest of the month. I got cat food yesterday, a new brand that they are eating. It's too far for me to go to Meijer and get the brand Val had for them. I'm not a fan of those gigantic stores anyway. If they continue to eat this as well as they currently are, I'll see if I can get a bigger bag, which is more cost effective.

And, I'm feeding my Lucky Cat.

This is a traditional Japanese good luck charm. You'll see ceramic or porcelain statues at the entrance to all shops in Japan. This is a small bank. We got it in the Japanese section of World Showcase at Epcot Center at Walt Disney World in Orlando, Florida many years ago.

The tradition is that the white cat brings in wealth. There are other colors representing other places where luck is wished, such as health, family and love. The "rule" is you feed the Lucky Cat your spare change once a week, not counting how much you put in the bank. The cat then multiplies the coinage over the next week. When the bank is full, you empty 75% of it, always leaving some as "seed" money.

The only problem with this bank is that the bottom hole from which you remove the coins, is too small to accommodate quarters. So, I have a separate bank that Carole and I made when times were tough. The quarters go into that along with the 75% of the bank when it's full. You are never to count the coins because that supposedly chased the luck away. I don't count them until the separate bank is almost too heavy to carry. I've turned in $150 and $110 in change and bills in the over 15 years we've had the lucky cat. Yes, I had change and I fed it last night.

I know it seems ridiculously silly to put any faith in a superstition. I would like my luck to change. Instead of me always having to throw money at something to fix it, why can't the money come to me so I don't feel like the next sound I hear is a major appliance breaking down? That's where the stress is, the feeling totally and completely helpless to change anything about my situation. I wrote my letters to the Better Business Bureau and to the Illinois Attorney General. I know nothing will come of these. The only thing I'm doing is filing a notice that I feel deceived.

I'm out of bread so I have to run to the store tomorrow. I also need garbage stickers. There will be chances for change to feed the cat. Life is what it is. I can only go forward from this point and hope that my luck changes.

Beverage: Scottish Blend Tea

Deb