Wednesday, October 10, 2012

It's Not Really a Cure

I've mentioned how, on occasion, I endure some minor bouts of depression. I'm not as bad as some people I know who really have that hard mistress, as I like to think of her, living with them. I struggle with it, but can usually find something, after a few days, to lift my spirits. It's been rough for me, for about a week now.

It's hard to say what triggers the arrival of the mistress. I think this time it was all the walking that I've had to do to complete an inspection job. I'm not done with it either and there's at least a half-day's worth of walking yet to do before I'm done.

I still don't have a clue on my bodily limits as I deal with RA. Some days, I don't do as much as I could and then feel badly because things aren't done at the end of a day. The next day, I feel exactly the same and I am completely spent from doing half as much as I did the day before. There seems to be no rhyme or reason to my endurance or lack thereof. I did great on Sunday. I moved slowly and I recognized that by the time I got to the sub shop to pick up lunch, that was going to be it. I don't feel nearly as achy in the body today, but walking down the hall to my boss's office is tiring me out. This is depressing.

Part of depression is the levels of serotonin in your brain. As I looked back over the last 10 days, I felt, yesterday, that perhaps my serotonin levels weren't high. Hence, in addition to just feeling crummy because my joints ache, I might be having a chemical issue. Well, what raises serotonin? Chocolate. There's my temporary answer.

I realized I haven't had chocolate anything in over 10 days. I think I do best when I have something chocolate at least every other day. So, on the way home, I stopped at Walgreens and picked up the assortment you see here. This is not a cure. If you know anything about depression, it's really not something that gets "cured" as you would cure a cold. You learn what triggers your depression and you learn the ways you can get out of it or, at the very least, manage it. Sometimes, that includes medication and/or therapy. I've done the therapy but never the medication, unless you want to consider chocolate my medication.

I dived into the Oreos when I got home. That was all I ate for supper last night. I had Oreos and milk, Oreos and cranberry grape juice and Oreos and tea. There was a brief moment where the nutrition fairy alighted on my shoulder and said, " gonna eat the whole bag? You know that's not good for you." Nutritionally, no. Eating half a bag of Oreos cannot, in any way, shape or form, be considered a "good dietary choice". But I'm not looking at my diet. I'm looking at my mood. If a $3.00 bag of Oreos gets my mood back where it should be, then that's what I'm going to do.

I could be deluding myself, but I did feel better about 9 p.m. last night. Yes, I ate half the bag. The M&Ms are untouched but are there for the rest of the week. A couple handfuls of them per day and I'll be on an even keel in no time. Things won't seem so oppressive even when I move slower than molasses, uphill, in January. Hmmmmm, molasses. I read where that's a help for RA. I like molasses. I think some tests are in order.

Beverage:  Dunkin' Donuts tea


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