Tuesday, October 27, 2009

I swallowed my pride.

I spent a very sad Sunday once again going through my checkbook trying to find out where I made the mistake that is costing me greatly. Many hours and a lot of tears later, I simply can't find it. I can't find math mistakes, which did make me feel reasonably good that, although I have a horrible ability to transpose numbers, my double entry method of accounting catches those. But whatever the mistake was that caused the current crisis is completely invisible to me.

My bank, of course, will not provide help without my paying for it, paying for it with money I don't have because they took it in the first place. People on the phone have been cold, at best, snotty, as if I am truly trying to stiff them, at worst.

So, I swallowed my pride, my "I can do this by myself", and I emailed the guy who manages my meager retirement investments. Under Ralph's care, my money, while taking a hit last year, didn't take as much of a hit as other friends' accounts. I've explained my circumstances and have asked if he knows someone who can provide assistance to figure things out. I'm hopeful there is someone out there who can say, "Aha" and then will help me forge a better system so this doesn't happen again.

Ten years ago, Carole and I were in the same boat. I only had a part-time job then, although I was looking for full time. It's different in that I have retirement savings into which I could, I suppose, dip, although one shouldn't steal from one's future if one can help it.

I found hamburger in the freezer today when I was looking for the small freezer pack for my lunch. I can make spaghetti tonight and that will make at least two meals. The freezer may become empty by the time this is over, but it will be a test of my creativity. I have eggs and flour, too. I can make pancakes. Now where did I put the waffle iron?

Beverage: china black tea


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