Monday, September 28, 2009

I don't know what this means.

I'm supposed to meet a guy for supper and conversation tonight. The operative word is "supposed" because, the more I think about this, the more uncomfortable I get. Yes, this is another dating service arranged meeting. But the problem with this is that I have no information on this guy.

Usually, I get a sheet of paper with basic information on the guy who is going to call me or who I will try to call. This time, nothing. He called me out of the blue on Friday night, after 9:00 p.m. When the phone rings after 9, it's not good news. I didn't want to talk to him as I was playing WOW and I felt uncomfortable without basic information. Maybe it would come on Saturday.

It hasn't. We chatted on Saturday and made arrangements to meet for supper tonight. But he said something that has me puzzling to the point that I need to get it straight in my head. He said he's looking for a "dominant woman". I don't know what that means. The more I think about it, the more unsettling it becomes. I have to admit my first image was of a woman wearing leather and carrying a whip but I hope that's not what's meant. Does it mean the woman makes all the household decisions? I'm not interested in that either. He said he doesn't cook, that he eats all his meals out. As I was making cookies, oatmeal blueberry muffins and butternut squash soup over the weekend, I thought how having someone who doesn't cook isn't a good thing for me.

I just want an equal. From my POV, there is an ebb and flow to a relationship. Some days or even periods of life, you need or want your partner to be more dominant in the relationship. Some days or periods of life, it's you who is dominant. For me, the bottom line is that he treat me as an equal. There is an aphorism that says, "Don't walk ahead of me. I may not follow. Don't walk behind me. I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." That's what I want.

The more I think about this, the more uncomfortable with meeting this guy I become. Why waste an evening with someone I know, going in, that I'm not going to find attractive? I don't have much money to be spending on dining out to begin with. So, I taped his phone number to the bathroom mirror. I will call him when I get home from work and ask. We do each other no favors by sitting through a meal where there is nothing that can come of it.

And then I have to go online and tell the service this is the last one. This would be number 16 over 3 and a quarter years. Time for me to cut the strings and trust the karma of the world to finding a companion. I'm thinking some TV psychic has a better chance than this service does.

Beverage: English Breakfast tea


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