Thursday, August 20, 2009

Baby steps

Last night, I washed all the cat dishes. I had avoided doing dishes because of that reason but they were getting out of hand so they had to be done. I collected the water dish in the bathroom and washed it. We got it for Shakespeare in 2003. The dishes sit on top of the fridge. As I'm going to add new furrballs at some point, I won't get rid of these, not yet anyway.

It was hard to go home last night. I lingered in the office until 4:30. It's garbage day so I was emptying recycling bins into the big container to be rolled to the curb. I would have to close the back door after me or accept the knowledge that a cat would come outside while doing this. I find I still close the door and it feels wrong to leave it standing open.

I did a load of wash Tuesday night. If the upstairs of the house is quiet, the basement is beyond still. Half-Pint and then Rascal used to lie on top of the furnace. There used to be someone always watching me from the stairs hang up the laundry. Someone would be wandering about, poking into nooks and crannies and then come upstairs when I was done.

The litter box is still in the back bedroom and I have to wash floors. I need to make room in my secretary for Betsy and Rascal to sit next to Shakespeare and Penney. Carole took Half-Pint's ashes with her.

I'm not eating well. I had peanut butter M&M's for supper last night. I think about ordering a pizza, but that's as far as it gets and last night, we got some heavy rains and I didn't want the delivery guy to be out in that. I wish Baker's Square was still in Wheaton as I could use pie. And a trip to Steak 'n Shake would be a nice pick me up. Both places require a bit of a drive and sitting alone just emphasizes how lonely I am. It's quite the dichotomy. I don't want to be at home because the emptiness of the house bothers me, yet I don't want to wander around because it makes me feel lonely so I best just go home.

I know these feelings will pass, particularly when I'm ready for more cats. Would that yesterday's rain had not come with lightning. I love to sit in a warm summer rain, one without lightning. I love how it feels on my skin and face. I think sitting on the deck steps with a hot mug of tea while getting soaked would have felt very good.

Beverage: Assam


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