Wishing Upon Stars

For those of us in certain income brackets, issues which need money thrown at them seem to crop up in clusters. I'm going through one right now and it has me frustrated. Bear with me while I, more or less, vent.

I made a decision last year to celebrate my World of Warcraft guild's 10th anniversary at Disney World with a bunch of guild mates. I made a budget to enable saving for that event only to have said budget blow apart by the sewer backing up at the same time the blower on the furnace decided to work only 50% of the time. I am grateful I had some kind of savings to fix both problems, but those emergencies set me way back. I redid the budget and worried that I would need to cut way to the bone, once again, in order to make this trip, on which I had placed a deposit back in September, a reality.

An acquaintance, who is even less of an acquaintance after this, (She's a friend of a friend so I can legitimately avoid her.) was at a lunch with my friend who inquired as to the state of my sewer. Gotta admit, "Can you flush your toilet now without it backing up into the basement?" is lovely lunch conversation. I mentioned getting both things fixed but having to use my Disney fund for this. This woman, whom I have met twice before, and I can tell you where I was, such was the impression she made, said, "Seriously, you're bitching about having to use savings for Disney to fix house problems? Do you know how many people can't even dream about going to Disney and you're bitching about having a 'set back'?" and she made those air quotes when she said "set back".

I pride myself on not letting things get to me. Life hasn't been kind but I've learned to roll with the punches. If I get called out on something, I look at the comment to see if there is any truth to what they are saying.

I've put money down on this. It means a great deal to me. I know there are people, probably in my neighborhood, who struggle for mac and cheese on a Tuesday night and hold no illusions about getting anywhere near the mouse house. But this is my life and my money and her comment reeks of jealousy and self-righteousness. As I type this, I can see the glare in her eye as she looked at me. My friend said, "Yeah, it sucks when you're saving for something and emergencies strike." The woman muttered, "Heh. Disney is not an emergency."

Fast forward to February. if I could, I would be just like Ned Flanders in "The Trouble With Trillions" episode.

If it were possible to get all the paperwork I need AND have the IRS accept returns early, I'd be doing my taxes on New Year's Day. My feeling is if I get a refund, I want it now. If I owe money, I need to know so I can save and send it in on time. But, institutions are terrible, it seems to me, about sending out financial forms so I don't always have everything until the end of January. Therefore, it's about mid-February when I sit down to do the deed. This year, I got enough back to pay for the bulk of my October Disney trip. I stuffed that straight into the savings account. "I'm not going to touch that," I told myself. "That's for Disney." Or so I thought.

Enter life.

A year ago, I got new glasses with my tax refund.

I had an eye doctor appointment in early February. It's a yearly thing now because of my RA. I have RA-induced rosacea of the eye. It just means my eyes are prone to drying out, which makes them itchy and red. Then the cornea can get scratched more easily. I'm to use artificial tears four times a day. I'm not very good on the remembering to do that part. It's a rare day when I put in drops four times. Usually I remember three times.

Anyway, I noticed, in December, my eyesight had deteriorated just a bit. Some things, particularly in the distance, are blurry or have a blurred edge to them. This was verified in the eye exam so I need new glasses. This will be the third year in a row my prescription has changed. I may have to get used to the idea this is my reality; a minor change every year.

So, I set out to find new glasses. It's a racket. I've purchased glasses online from Coastal.com for the last 3 years. I was able to get good deals, but I dislike the frames Coastal has this year, plus, they are more expensive. Wandered over to another place, Zenni Optical. Their prices were better than Coastal but their frames were no better looking. Then I found a place called Glasses USA.

Here I found a couple pair I liked and, initially, their prices looked very good. Then you get into actually purchasing glasses and their "Glasses $95 including lenses" goes down the tube. I have to get bifocals, which cost more. When a company says, "Glasses $95 including lenses", that's what I expect to pay with additions like tax and shipping. They offered a 50-65% discount but that was only on frames and didn't apply if you picked a frame on sale. The costs kept adding up until I was way over what I wanted to pay for glasses. They have a 3-month payment plan, but they put a hold on your funds for the full amount. That's not a payment plan. So, I told them I was severely disappointed in all the wording on their site and will be taking my business elsewhere. They have told me to call them because they have a "deal" for me. No thanks.

But the big kicker is the lack of liquid funds to even get glasses. Oh sure, I have Disney money. I could easily afford glasses IF I pillaged my Disney fund. There is another online glasses company, Warby Parker, who advertises more realistically, "Glasses FROM x". But they are much more expensive and I really cannot afford $345 for glasses unless I take the money from my Disney account. The back door needs to be fixed. I have to get it working again. I don't see that as a small repair. I can fund that, again, IF I take money from my Disney account.

Another acquaintance, more sympathetic to this frustration, said, "You have 6 months before you have to hand over the rest of the money for the vacation. You should be able to save what you take out in 6 months." The operative word there is 'should'. While I have the vacation paid for, I want spending money and money for, frankly, impulse purchases. As I did when I went to BlizzCon and Disneyland in 2015, I want to do Christmas shopping. My tax return wasn't enough to cover those things. I still need to save and it's hard to save when life throws these things at you.

Then, I find out, at the beginning of this month, one of my late English pen pal's daughters and her family, are coming to Florida for two weeks; Disney World and Universal. I have not seen Elizabeth since 1996. She's married with two kids of her own. Her dad and brother are coming and I last saw them in 2005. "You're welcome to come to our villa and stay for a few days. It would be wonderful to see you and we have an extra room," she said.

Oh dear. If I plunder the Disney fund, I can go. I have the vacation days. I wouldn't go for more than a down, hang out, back weekend. But if I take money for this from the fund, where does it stop? This is not, by any stretch, an emergency. Yet, they are so close. I'd need airfare and a car and money for food. I'm content with not going to either Disney and Universal and just hanging around the villa. When Anne died, we kind of lost touch with each other. What a unique opportunity to reconnect, and yet...

Those words above, from a woman I don't like, rankle me, stick in my craw, so to speak. I know there are people much less off than me. Part of my refund went to charities I feel strongly about. This whole glasses thing has me looking ahead. Every year, I fear, I'm going to be in this position of needing new glasses and not finding anything which fits my budget. I'm not looking at frame which cost $170, either. I find those to be ugly, frankly. I also haven't posted my door problem to a site called "Thumbtack" where companies and handymen can give you an estimate on what they think it will cost to do what you want done. Maybe I'm way overestimating what I think fixing the door will cost. I could be pleasantly surprised.

This is merely a post expressing frustration at life and how it seems to gang up on us. I'm going to make do with my glasses for right now. I have no desire to call Glasses USA. If they want my business, they will tell me in writing, what kind of discount they are offering. Otherwise, at the end of the month, I'll schlep myself out to glasses stores and have a look. It may not yield anything, but at least I've given it a go. I want to see Elizabeth, Graham and James and Elizabeth's husband and kids. But that trip feels very much like a "lottery trip" where only some unexpected windfall is going to make it happen because I'm so resistant to using my Disney funds. And then a wave of sadness comes over me and I wonder if I'm being incredibly selfish.

I never count on a windfall. I never counted on getting a tax refund which paid for the basic trip. I don't count on having work trips where I'd get mileage which could be applied somewhere. I count only on what I make every month and that has to work to make what I need a reality. Anything else is unexpected. I just wish life wasn't, sometimes, a need to throw money at things to make it better. It gets down-heartening.

Beverage:  Irish Breakfast tea

Deb

Paper Trail

It's been quite enlightening to clean off piles of stuff in the basement. There are things with meaning, but a lot of things, particularly of the paper goods category are just not necessary for me to keep anymore.

For instance, this was a big event in Iowa Hawkeye football.

The last time Iowa won the Big 10 Conference Championship prior to the 1981 season was in 1960. This was huge, huge, huge. The state went black and gold. Iowa was favored to beat Washington in the Rose Bowl of 1982.

About that.

The photo says it all. We were demolished by Washington 28-0. There was controversy when it was reported a couple years later that our "star" running back had been contacted by a sports agent between Thanksgiving and Christmas. He supposedly told the guy that his draft spot in the NFL draft that spring would not be very high if he got injured, so supposedly, the guy didn't try as hard as he could have to score when we were close to the Washington goal line. I have no idea if the story turned out to be true, but, when the running back left college that spring before graduating, you had to wonder what was up. For the record, he was drafted way late and I'm not sure played with any pro football team.

The coach, Hayden Fry, was vilified, and I believe rightfully so, for the manner in which he coached the game. He made some very questionable substitutions, putting in guys who, although seniors, hadn't played in many games. You want the seniors to experience being on the field in a bowl game, but he didn't have the team on the field that had won the championship. Hawkeye fans were angry.

I sort of knew I'd saved these, but they don't mean anything to me any more so they are off to the recycling bin. For the record, of the last 4 conference championships Iowa's won, we've only won one bowl game and it wasn't the Rose Bowl. You have to go way back to 1958 to find the last time Iowa won in the Rose Bowl. That was also the last time Iowa was a National Champion.

Also of no meaning to me is this paper.

This is the last time a baseball world championship was in Chicago. The Chicago White Sox won that year. I remember I was downtown on a night job the night they clinched. Even though the job wasn't slated to wrap up until midnight, we were sent home, to get out of the city before the crowds took over downtown. I'm not a White Sox fan but I saved the paper because, well, it was important at the time.

Speaking of Chicago baseball, this paper marked a milestone on the north side.

The Cubs hadn't won anything since 1945, when they lost the 1945 World Series. This was "merely" the National League Eastern Division Championship, but it could have been the World Series as much as the fans celebrated. My dad, an ardent Cubs fan, was jubilant. The Cubs lost to the San Diego Padres who went on to win the World Series. The Cubs have won a handful of division pennants since, but, so far, I've not found any newspapers saved from those wins. I think it was because this was so sweet to fans. Still, I'm not saving it. I just don't need newspapers I won't read.

Finally, I have this bin full of things.

This is all the printed material I saved from 9/11. My pen pal, Anne, sent me The Times of London with its coverage of the attacks. I have looked through everything and, for me, it's not important to save this. I know precisely where I was when I heard the news of the initial hit on the towers and where I was when I heard of the towers' collapse. I was out in the field, 90 minutes, from the office. I remember looking up at the clear blue September sky and wondering what I would do if I saw an airplane. For me, the memories of those days are what I want to keep, not the printed materials.

I know there is probably a market for these items, possibly on eBay, so I'm going to look into selling them. There is value to someone in having these carefully preserved and not yellowed paper goods.

In a way, it seems harsh to give away things which remind you of major life events. But I'm whittling down things I've saved to what really has value to me. I don't denigrate the memory of those who died in 9/11, but these mementos would be better in someone else's hands. It's part of the process of tidying my life.

Beverage:  Scottish Breakfast Tea

Deb

Words

Every year since 1980, I have purchased the "365 Word-a-day Calendar". Some words, when I rip off the new day, I know. Some I'll never add to my vocabulary and some have found their way into my lingo. Some words have special meaning. I saved them. I found three when I was cleaning in the basement in preparation for a new washer.

Thankfully, I wrote on the page what happened so, when I cleaned years in the future, I could remember exactly why I saved that word from that date.

This was the last day Carole lived in Wheaton. Since this date, she's lived in Connecticut before moving to her current, and final, home in Virginia. We didn't have any kind of religious ceremony, but I do remember crying while sitting on the front steps watching her drive away knowing that this was a necessary part of raising a child. You give them wings and trust they paid attention to some of your instructions on how to use them.

Here are two more which also elicited tears. This word seemed particularly poignant on this date.

Penney was a gray cat we adopted in 1992, I believe. Kidney disease made her waste away and I finally couldn't stand watching her try to walk to the bathroom to get a drink of water. Pam drove me to the emergency vet my vet recommended and I said, "Goodbye". Even though it's one of the kindest things you can do when a beloved pet is suffering, it's still a heartbreak. That day, the world went haywire.

Finally, there is this word.

2007 didn't start out very positive.

Anne was my English pen-pal. We had known each other 35 years at this point. We were the best of friends and confidants. We went through first crushes, high school, college, engagements and marriages. My ex-husband and I flew to England in 1982, while I was pregnant, to attend Anne's wedding. We had children within a month of each other. She had twin girls. We went back in 1996 so our children could meet. She was with me when my marriage crumbled and when Carole and I were on our own. We went through the raising of children and their lives.

Then liver cancer struck. She was diagnosed in 2004 but seemed to have it beaten to the point that, in April of 2005, I met Anne, her husband, Graham, and son, James, at Walt Disney World for a week of fun. She looked so healthy. We had a fantastic time.

But the cancer returned in early 2006. She never told me how bad it was. Her Christmas letter was filled with news about the family. We always talked at New Year's. She would call me at the stroke of midnight and hold up the phone to the TV so I could hear Big Ben ringing in the new year from England. She did the same thing as 2006 turned to 2007. She never told me she had been in bed since 5 that evening and had to be helped up to call me at midnight. She wrote a short, one-page letter, "from the couch in the living room, by the fire" as they called the gas furnace, in early January. I never heard from her again.

One of her daughters called me the above evening to tell me she had passed in her sleep. Her husband, Graham, had contacted me at the end of January, after receiving my reply to her early January letter. He realized she had not told me, in an effort to spare me worrying, how sick she was and that hospice had been arranged. They were just waiting. I have to admit that every phone call from January 28th onward brought dread. In a way, it was kind of a relief knowing she was not suffering and not trying to keep the British "stiff upper lip" anymore. Graham said he never told her that I knew what was going on.

I looked at these words as I paged through a stack of papers, invitations, mementos which were on a shelf. At the time, it was important to save these. Now, I have reached the point where I can let them go and be, simply, words of the day. I don't save words that have a special event occurring on that date anymore. I unconsciously decided they were just words. I miss Carole. I miss Penney. I miss Anne. Time has moved on but the memories stay with me in my heart where they belong.

Beverage:  Dunkin' Donuts tea

Deb

Finally Framed

I've had this print for a very long time. My late pen pal, Anne, gave it to me, possibly 10 years ago now. I was cleaning last year and found the tube it was in.

It's an amazing print. If you can't read the legend, this is a map showing all the clans in Scotland during the reign of Robert the Bruce, 1314. It's a reproduction of a map in the National Archives of Scotland. My particular branch of Clan Thomson is not on here. As far as the Thomson name goes, we started at the lower right, the southern edge, of Scotland. We were part of the "reivers", the men from Scotland who rode into England to steal cattle. I have not traced back beyond 1768, and, at that time, we lived northeast of Edinburgh, which is on the Firth of Forth, the indentation on the right side of the map, just a bit southwest of that viking long boat, For people like my family, tracing our ancestors back past the 1700's is going to be difficult. We're not royalty and there was really no reason to establish and hold bloodlines.

The print was unrolled from its tube and placed on my ironing board. From mid-summer last year, through September of this year, the biggest books I could find rested on top of the print in an effort to flatten it further. When September rolled around, the print wasn't completely flat but the sale at JoAnn Fabrics for framing was too strong to resist.

I am thrilled with the result. I had them put plastic as the "glass" because this is going to sit on the Clan Thom(p)son table at Highland Games. I didn't want someone to be horrified if they accidentally bumped it and it hit the ground. Likewise, I didn't want to have to clean up glass and risk damage to the print since I have not seen this anywhere to replace it. The addition of the gold trim on the inside makes the print pop. I wouldn't have thought of that on my own. The gal who framed it suggested it. It was worth the extra money.

So, I need to clean the room where the litter boxes are, repaint the walls and hang this up. So much art that I'd love to have on the walls. This is too pretty to hide, but it's going to have to sit in the closet until I can get around to redoing that room. At least it can be appreciated by my clan at the next games.

Beverage:  Scottish Breakfast Tea

Deb

Stitching Then and Now

While dinner was cooking, I sat down for some stitching time. I got about a half an inch done before having to jump up for pasta and then a load of dishes. I've had quite a few other things to do so quality time with me and my hoop hasn't happened since last week. This project is still coming along nicely and, since it's a Christmas present, getting it done this early is sweet. I still have to finish the hanging part of the Christmas banner, but I'm going to finish this project and get it off to be framed before returning to the banner.

In looking through my old photos for this month's theme, I stumbled upon this one. This is from 1984. I do not remember if that is a stamped or a counted cross-stitch piece. I made it for my late English pen pal, Anne. On it, I put the location of all the places she had lived, up to that point, from when I met her. We met via a pen pal exchange program through high school and were friends for over 30 years before she passed away from liver cancer.

I remember spending a good 3 months on this piece. I usually shipped my Christmas gifts to Anne and her family via "the boat" instead of airmail as it was about a third of the cost. And when you're sending something heavy like a framed piece, that cost can be substantial.

I was exceptionally proud of this. I had to start it in the summer so it could be done and framed to be shipped by Halloween or right after. I remember plopping down in the sofa on a Sunday afternoon and stitching for 3-4 hours. Some things never change. I still do that only I don't have the TV on as background noise. I find I have to remove my glasses to adequately see the chart so whatever's on the TV is a blur. Now music, music I will have on or I sit and stitch in silence. That silence can be very comforting because then I hear Pilchard's purr because she's in my lap.

I don't remember when I started cross-stitching. It seems it's been a part of me since I was a girl. I remember that hairstyle. I have straight hair but went through the desire to have curly hair phase. I don't remember the glasses. Gigantic by my standards now. I remember the blouse and the sweater. The blouse is long gone but, you know, I still wear that sweater. 

Beverage:  English Breakfast tea

Deb