A Promise of Better Things

I have been noticeably absent this space since early April. It's been a combination of things. I have not felt well. The warm spring days were followed by chilly and damp days. I don't do chilly and damp very well anymore. It settled into my joints and I found myself aching much more than usual. My rheumatologist agreed that this spring has been hard on people with joint problems.

Then, our work load quadrupled, which sounds like an exaggeration, but is not. I found myself doing day trips two, three and four days out of a week. I appreciate that fate or God or karma decided last year I needed a newer car because the drives to all these places was ever so much nicer when it was done in a car with adequate heat and windshield wipers, as well as cruise control and the ability to sip, not guzzle, gas.

This became something of a bad circle. I ached because of the wild swings in weather. I ached because of all the driving and walking. I couldn't get comfortable at night to fall asleep and stay asleep because I ached, which made me tired. Weekends have been something of a fog. I didn't have the stamina to complete a project so my house is littered with unfinished things. This made me sad and, let's face it, depressed, which contributes to the uneven sleeping. Everything accumulated making writing a chore. I just felt overwhelmed and unable to put thoughts to paper.

That being said, I've been working on a short story based on a writing prompt a friend gave me. She "double-dip dared" me to write a story around a silly Internet photo; a photo I had made an off-hand comment about. I know how the story ends. I just have to write the lines to that point. Now that the weather has moderated, it's inspiring to sit outside with my pen and write. I bought a journal to use for book quotes, but picked it up to use to tell this tale. It's probably a pedantic sort of tale, but I haven't done anything like this in years so it feels fresh and exciting.

I probably have 8 more hours of writing left to do. In true "Sagittarius mode", however, there are more shinies calling for my attention. That's what can overwhelm me and leave me feeling depressed. I love having projects to do, but completing them has always been a problem. The simple act of setting up the project is exhilarating to me. What do I want to do and what supplies will I need to accomplish this? But I get into the thing and have to set it aside because something else crops up, like the need to have clean underwear, and then I lose the drive to finish. It was extremely acute during April and, now, May. Then, I feel like I can't do anything and you see where this track goes. I'm ever so good at beating myself up.

The weather seems to have moderated now. I had a doctor visit last week where I poured out my frustrations and my rheumatologist was so understanding. She reminded me that living with RA means doing small tasks. "Just finish one thing and celebrate that; dishes, a load of laundry, pick up the living room so you don't see lots of piles." I got the oil changed and tires rotated. I spent 3 hours writing on the story; advancing the plot by leaps and bounds. I did a load of laundry and swept half of the floors. Just those things made me feel as if I could accomplish more.

Memorial Day weekend was a series of small victories which I'll detail below. Each step leads to another step which leads to a feeling of accomplishment. The business of business is still astonishingly hectic, but it appears, like the Tetris game, things are falling into place so I am not quite so overwhelmed. I still have to travel, but it's not in a rushing sort of way.

And then, as if to rubber stamp my sense of worth, I managed, for the first time in 3 months, to carve out time to go to cross-stitch club at the Wheaton Public Library. I haven't felt any inclination to do any stitching on the project since January because I've been coming back from somewhere on the day of the club. I stepped out of the house and headed to the car. There was a small rain shower going on. It wasn't much; more like the last bit of water was being shaken from the watering can. I got to the car and turned to slide in and saw this.

I do not remember when the last time was I saw a rainbow this brilliant. Look at the colors. You can see all of them; red, orange, yellow, green, indigo and violet. Excited, I quickly drove to the end of the drive, got out and aimed my ancient cell phone skyward.

Yes, please. I'll have a double helping of rainbow.

If you've followed me for some time you know I'm not a very God-y person anymore. I believe in an almighty, but I don't feel he pays too much attention to me; checking in on occasion, to see that I'm still hanging in there. Sometimes, he takes pity on me and things align, but most of the time, he smiles and moves on to someone with way more cares than I have. I don't want to make too much of a scientific occurrence, but I think this was nature's, karma's, "God's" way of telling me the storm has passed and, while things won't be smooth sailing, because, after all, it is raining, it won't be quite as bad as it has been these past 2 months. I've come through a choppy time and now there will be quieter seas ahead.

(On a strictly scientific note, I was quite surprised the rainbow was so vivid. We didn't get enough rain to wet the deck all over. It really was simply a sprinkle. Yet look at the colors, how clear and dramatic they are. Everything was at the right juncture to create this scene. Science is fascinating.)

So, dear reader, if you've progressed to the bottom of this post, I can't promise I will be as dedicated to this space as I was at the beginning of the year, but I have hundreds of photos I should blog about. It appears life is on the upswing. Things are, indeed, better. I have a double rainbow to prove it.

Beverage:  Earl Grey tea

Deb

Things I See

"Spring is nature's way of saying, 'Let's Party'!" 

--Robin Williams. 

Beverage:  Orange Juice

Deb

How Do You Like Your Car?

I have been asked this alot lately. It's been six months since the Jeep was replaced. I've gone through every season except spring, but, given the warm air over Chicagoland, you could say we had mini-spring this past week.

I'm driving around Chicagoland on Monday, February 20th, with the windows down and wearing a short sleeved shirt. My photo feed reminds me that 3 years ago, we had 6 inches of snow.

There are things I miss about the Jeep. It was fun to drive, even in traffic, with the stick shift. It sat up higher and I felt I could see more of what was around me. I'm constantly tweaking the mirrors because I don't feel I can see to my left or right, even when I turn to look before changing lanes. Never had that issue with the Jeep. There is one thing the Malibu has which the Jeep did not.

I have information at my finger tips. This was in August. We didn't get a lot of 100+ degree days. We haven't had a summer that hot in a few years. I'm not complaining, mind you. I like hot weather but I think I would feel extremely oppressed if that was the norm, rather than the exception.

On the Monday the above photo was taken, this was the temperature when I got into the car.

I documented this more for the "Oh look. An even number of miles", than the temperature. I haven't figured out the trip meter. I'm going to have to actually read the owner's manual for that. Until I do that, I write the beginning and ending mileage in the notebook I carry with me. The Jeep had a little button I pushed to reset the trip meter.

I also have a tire pressure and oil life indicator I can scroll through. I don't like the lack of a beep or a light if the gas gauge gets low. I have to notice and then set the display for "Fuel Distance". I've come close to being out of gas because I don't have that on the display. (Note to self: you need gas.) Perhaps a noise can be set but I'll have to read the manual to figure out how.

I used the Sirius XM radio free three-month trial and I am NOT signing up for that service. If I listened to classic rock, hip hop, rap, or current popular music, it would pay to have it. The sheer abundance of stations playing that kind of music was immense. I listen to jazz. I had the 1940's channel; the all Frank Sinatra channel; the 'smooth jazz' channel; and a channel devoted to Broadway musicals. Huh? No thanks. When I go cross-country and are out of the reach of my local jazz station, I have a CD player. I can listen to Gregory Porter's "Be Good" or Annie Lennox's "Nostalgia" or Duke Ellington's "Three Suites" or "Ella and Louis Together" or any of my jazz albums, provided I remember to bring my CD case. And don't even get me started on my Scottish music. A station for that? You're nuts.

They have been calling to get me to renew my subscription but don't seem to get that what they offer is not what I like. Last night, I told the guy, "Please stop calling. I won't sign up and the more you call, the more angry I am and the less likely I'll consider your service, period." "But...but...ma'am, you just need to listen..." Click.

As I travel about for work, I've found a number of people who say the Malibu is probably the best passenger car Chevrolet makes. They are impressed I drive one, even one which is 6 years old.  How do I like my car? For once, in spite of the circumstances surrounding the purchase, I got a break from life. I'm happy. It works for me.

Beverage:  Raspberry Seltzer

Deb

Garden Planning

The days are getting longer. After what seemed like a full two solid weeks of gray skies, there have been brilliantly blue sunny skies. Even though I start to get seed and plant catalogues after Thanksgiving, I simply pile them on the ottoman and don't really start looking at them until now. It's kind of useless to plan when I haven't the cash to make any purchases.

Over the weekend, I sorted through the stack, recycling over 75% of them. It's time to start thinking of what I want this year. I reconfigured where the flowers were on the deck last year.

Usually, this corner is flowers. I had zinnias in a pot to the left, as you're sitting, of the chair. I bought that mesh table because Pilchard likes to sit on the ottoman to the right of the chair where the ground feeder rests. That didn't leave a spot for me to put my book, my tea, my cross-stitch projects. So another table was in order. I wanted to sit and watch the squirrels to the left when they feed on the tree stump.

Mainly, changing where I sat was a function of sunlight. It's at my right side and back, instead of my left side and front. So that left the south side of the deck free for the organization of plants.

By the time I got the plants outside, due to chilly weather, they'd spent a couple of weeks in a box and in the sink getting watered.

They were leggy and a bit awkward. I wound up losing three of them. But that taught me when I order this year, delivery can't be until May 1st. April weather is just too dicey and I need to be able to put these out within a week of arrival. 

The rest recovered nicely. 

The wave petunias, grown to cascade over the side of a pot, lasted until early September. I have to quit ordering primrose. As pretty as they are, they do not blossom for me and don't do well in pots on my deck. They are akin to pansies in that they don't like hot weather.

I don't like the strawberries I ordered last year, but I can't remember what the name of the ones were I ordered the year before. Maybe I should forego strawberries as the squirrels get to them before me. The geraniums were a bit leggy when I put them outside, but a trimming back made them nice and bushy.

This was a nice arrangement. The birdbath, however, was not used nearly as much as it had been in previous years. I don't think creatures felt safe. One of the issues is that the gutter is bent to the south of the door and when it rains heavily, water cascades onto the deck and anything below it. I'd move flowers to that section of the deck, but they would be drenched and probably destroyed by rain. I have a problem, as it is, with squirrels digging in my plants.

I think I need to move the birdbath closer to the deck steps this year. I also have to put the pot on the railing up onto something to allow air to circulate under the pot. I don't have enough of those plastic things I use under deck pots. I have had them for years and don't know if I can find anything like that anymore.

The moonflower, datura, which goes in the pot by the steps, didn't do as well as in the past. The alyssum did wonderfully, but the moonflower just didn't grow very big. I missed the giant trumpet blossoms and the intoxicating fragrance. The area around this pot has been cleared, but this year, landscape fabric and mulch is going down in this location. It's near the air conditioning unit and that area is going to be cleared so the unit is free of weeds for air circulation.

So the temperatures are going to be in the mid to upper 40's this next week. The back yard is a swamp. I'm itching for spring to get here and for flowers and plants to brighten the yard again.

Beverage:  Assam tea

Deb

Spring Project Or Paperweights

All those things you say you want to do. The list can be long, long, long. I tend to have motivation come in spurts. I'll feel exceptionally creative or motivated to accomplish something. Pieces will be collected and I'll get ready and bam. The motivation fades as quickly as it come.

I've been dealing with some issues with RA which I didn't realize were RA issues. I knew depression was a side effect of this. You gradually lose mobility and that can be very depressing. I can tell myself, repeatedly, to find gratitude in every day, but I often have to face the reality that I just cannot; that this gloomy mood is what I have. I find acknowledging the mood; feeding it even; works for me to slowly leave it behind. In the interim, I don't do much of anything. That can feed my sense of worthlessness. "If only I felt better, this project would be done."

Enter spring. It's hard for me not to feel a tug toward positivity when the crocus bloom and the sky turns blue and the winter coat goes in the closet for a good two weeks before being needed. I feel I can conquer things. I feel I can take those steps I've longed for to make my surroundings happier. That's necessary for my overall well-being. "Time to fix this," I think. Many times that enthusiasm, however, crashes headlong into the reality that I get tired more easily. Still, here we go with the rebirth of the grass in the back yard and the cacophony of birds in the trees.

Target didn't help diminish that exuberance. In one of my news feeds; ironically, a business feed; there was a discussion about their new Pillowfort line. Targeted to kids, it's gender neutral and features things without designations for boy or girl. It's part of Target's stated objective to make as much of their kids things for all kids, inclusive, rather than blue for boy and pink for girl. You can still find those things but girls like trucks and boys like dolls. Kids shouldn't be pigeonholed into colors and items because of their gender. I can't agree with this enough.

The article showed some items from the collection and one of them was a shelf unit.

It's a whale! I read dimensions but I can't always get my head around sizes relative to anything else. I could order it online and pick it up at my local Target. As I had to get a few other things there, this was a score. It's big.

It's going to go on the wall opposite the medicine chest and sink. When I held it up to the wall, the sadness of the long ago paint scheme in the bathroom was overwhelming.

I need a fresh coat of paint on the walls. If I'm going to make this a focal point of the bathroom, I need walls reflective of that. As if they were mind reading, I got a flyer in the mail from Ace Hardware. There is, this weekend as I type, a buy-one, get one free sale on their best paint. Seriously? I would need painting accouterments as I tossed all that stuff last year, when I was cleaning in the basement for the new washer, because the stuff was old. But cutting the big cost, the paint, in half, could motivate me to actually do this.

When I went to get garbage stickers, I asked about the smell. That could be a deal breaker. The smell, the volatile organic compounds, released as paint dries, are not good for people with breathing difficulties. I don't want my house to make me any sicker than it possibly is. If I have to wait until June, when I throw open the windows, would the paint have settled out? The good news is the sale paint is low VOC, suitable for pregnant women to paint walls with and it is guaranteed to not settle out for up to 9 months after being initially mixed. I grabbed some swatches and stuck them on the wall.

There is light blue tile in the tub/shower. I have a nautical theme in the bathroom which is why the whale shelf appealed to me. It's important to match, as close as I can, the tile. Ideally, you take a tile piece with you and they match it, but I have no idea where the extra tile is that I had. So, I picked what I thought might be close or complimentary.

While I was there, I thought about the neglected back door area. I was going to paint that yellow to compliment the minion poster hanging there. If this is a buy one get one, what if I actually bought the yellow for the back? I grabbed some yellow swatches and slapped them on the wall by the poster.

I wound up going with the bottom blue and the left yellow. In my head, I thought a light lemon yellow would make the poster "pop" on the wall. But the light lemon they had seemed too light, washed out. Hence, I've gone with a color that is an exact match to the one there. Funny how that works out.

Here we are, the end of March. I have two brand new cans of paint in my house. One sits on the kitchen table and the other sits on the bathroom floor.

I'm going to paint the baseboards and the trim around the door this blue. It will be immersion, which is why having a light color on the wall will work. The ceiling will be a bright white, when I get that far. Right now, I have to get the counted cross-stitch project done and I have a few days upcoming when I can just sit and stitch. I also have to prepare the wall for painting.

Gone will be the fish stencils and those solid color fish "stickers". They are a gel plastic. I forget how old they are. Carole was living at home when we found them somewhere and thought they would be cool. They have been, but, over the years, they have attracted and held dust and dirt. I just didn't have the gumption to pry them off the wall and repaint. I'll have to take the towel rack off the wall. I don't relish that. My fear is that I won't get it back up.

In my mind's eye, I picture doing this wall, then resting. Next would be the wall by the door and a rest. Then the wall by the sink and stool and ending with the bit of wall above the shower. It's a month-long project or, if I take a week off work, a full week's painting. The same thing goes for the back door area. A wall a week and it's done.

So, with the advent of spring, this is what inspiration looks like. Supposedly, this paint can be written on with chalk. If so, that could provide some artistic avenues in a nautical bathroom. Or I could buy this or this. Maybe the fact that I have cans of paint will keep me motivated to get this done. These are awfully expensive paperweights.

Beverage:  Dr Pepper

Deb

Officially Spring

I changed the decoration on the front door.

It's officially spring, for me. I have a wreath adorned with spring flowers; tulips, daffodils, lily of the valley. It's lovely but this holds a special place in my heart. Carole and I made this some 15 years ago. Once I take it down for summer decoration, I need to reglue a lot of the lilac sprays and put a better hanger on the back. I have, for the last 5 years, at least, said this every year, even when I put the other wreath on the door. One of the pink sprays was loose this year and fell off as I was hanging this on the door. I just shoved it into the depths where I think it will stay for the time being.

Ah spring. The crocus are finally up.

I've heard a cacophony of birds in the backyard. Something is making noise in the back beginning at 10:30 p.m. My initial thought is some sort of owl, but perhaps it's something else? It's not human, to be sure.

I'm ready for spring. It's been a depressing winter.

Beverage:  Dr Pepper

Deb

There Was a Wedding - Part 6 - Photographs on the Lawn

Remember the snow? Remember the sloppy slush we drove through on the way to signing the papers to buy a house? Remember the coats and scarves of a Friday evening's rehearsal? Remember how we all talked around the weather, as if acknowledging the cold and the wind and the rain would, somehow, keep it through the next day?

The country club has a gazebo a short distance from the front door. It's perfect for photos. This is what we had on Saturday, March 21st at 5:30 p.m, the first full day of spring.

It was 70 degrees, clear blue skies and a very light breeze. We could not have asked for a better evening. The only issue was the sun.

They had one of the ushers, the gentleman who walked me in, who is quite tall, hold his coat up off to the right in order to keep the sun out of people's eyes. You can see him off to the right here.

Larry's attendants were Matt and a guy whose name I have forgotten, who were high school friends. His groomsman was Chad. The two have known each other since kindergarten. Carole's attendants were Phil, a high school friend; Sandy, Larry's sister, and Andrea, Chad's wife. Chad and Andrea live next door to Larry's parents, to complete the connection. I have to say that the stability of friendship is something that wasn't apparent in the first wedding. The groomsmen, at that time, were friends of Carole, rather than lifelong friends of the groom. That says something.

Here are both families. To the left is Carole's dad and his wife. To the right are Larry's parents and, on the far right, Sandy's fiancee.

It wouldn't be a Star Wars wedding without light sabers. First with the groomsmen and ushers,

and then with Carole and Phil.

If you look at the photo of Chad and Larry dueling, you can see Larry is the shortest of his friends, and the ushers, who were also long-time friends of Larry's.

Beverage:  Fruit Juice

Deb

Spring Has Arrived

It started with the crocus at the beginning of the month.

They weren't up and then, suddenly, they were up and blooming. It's been a gradual warm up with 70 degree days and then back into the 50's. It's like a spring I remember from years ago. It's way too dry, but things are blooming.

There's the dogwood in the neighbor's yard.

When the breeze kicks up a bit, it showers the ground with pink.

There's a couple tulips in the back.

I need to spend time clearing this out. Now that the mulberry that was back there is gone, I can get into the area and clear, at least, that's what I tell myself I'll do.

I washed some of the windows today.

I have a dozen windows around the house. I washed the insides of four of them. I'll do more in batches. I must remember to pace myself; decide which project I will tackle and break it into smaller steps; rest and move on to the next step.

While washing the windows, I saw this.

I'm going to need to pull this. It doesn't belong where it's at. But, the green shoots are another indication that spring is coming.

You can't really say geese in the parking lot at work is a harbinger of spring since geese tend to be around all year. But we usually don't see them at any time other than spring. They were around for only a day and have moved on. That's just fine.

Lastly, the windows are open.

There is a lovely light breeze. I don't really have to worry about Pilchard jumping off the deck. She goes out for a bit and then comes in when the outdoor noises spook her. Mija is not at all interested. She's curled up in the recliner. "Outside? Nope. Nope. Is it time for treats, mom?"

Ah spring. After such a cold February and a frosty March, we are ready. Now, if it would just rain.

Beverage:  tea mix

Deb

Spring's Arrival

I needed to use the iron over the weekend.

A stink bug. The last one I saw was back in October. I anticipate that ,as the weather warms, I'll be seeing more of these "lovely" things. The girls don't eat bugs like my other cats would. They love moths but once they knock it down and kill it, they look at me as if to say, "Fix it so it flies again". Um...yeah...about that. I grabbed this with a tissue and tossed it into the toilet for a quick flush. If you've never encountered them before, don't crush them. Oh my lord! The smell is horrible! It lingers, too. Just grab it with some tissue and flush.

Over the weekend, I cleaned out the birdbath.

I should have taken a "before" photo. Leaves, twigs and other debris had collected in the basin. I dumped it all out, rinsed the basin with hot water and refilled it. Sunday afternoon, a robin used this as it's intended, for a bath. I need to empty it again. They are such dirty birds and there was mud and plant debris in the basin when I came home from work today. The temperatures are to get below and at freezing for the next week, but will warm up into the 40's and low 50's so the water will thaw if the top freezes. Clean water would be appreciated by more than the robins.

I still don't have flowers in the front yard. I expect the crocus will bloom, if not the end of this week, next week. It was such a cold February when I usually see shoots, that I'm sure they are thinking, "No way. It needs to be 80 before I'm coming out of the ground."

The other exciting indication of spring is that the milkweed pods have split open.

I don't have as many around the yard as I'd like. I would like to hire people to dig up some of the crap in the beds so I can spread butterfly friendly flowers around. That's not happening this year.

I love the lacy look of the seeds and their fuzz. We've had some windy days lately and the air has been filled with the dancing of the seeds as they take off for other sections of the yard. I saw one monarch last year. The year before that, none. I'd like to devote more of the yard to indigenous flowers which would attract them. For now, I'll stay with milkweed.

Spring is in the air. I'm feeling much improved, both physically and mentally with the longer days. Sunshine on my face is wonderful.

Beverage:  Dr Pepper

Deb

"It's okay. God's got it."

If you've been with my blog for some time, you know that I'm rather apathetic about this god person. I've been stepped on for a great many years and I think I can be forgiven for saying that I'm not sure he/she/it (?) pays any sort of attention to me. I can't worship any deity that seems to be apathetic to me; that seems to not know what I'm going through. I'm not into statue prayer, bead prayer or prayer of the desperate looking for anything. I just want to be acknowledged. There is an old question amongst ministry people when you say you're praying for something. "What if the answer is, 'No." Can you handle that?" Heck yeah. At least I'd know that I'd been heard.

In my theology, there is one God and all religions are manifestations of that one deity. It's like every religion is ice cream, but some are butter brickle or peanut butter or chocolate or chunky monkey. The similarities between religions are more prevalent than differences, although some religions more resemble chili dogs than ice cream. (They have extra onions, too, for extra heartburn.) So, if you have this prayer reality within your religion and you believe your deity hears you, then there is the possibility that she will not grant your request. (You cannot have a flame thrower to melt the snow in your front yard.) Perhaps your request would come with a caveat. (While you can't have a flame thrower, you can pay the tween kid down the block to break up the ice dam in the drive to let the melting snow run into the street. It's win-win for both of you.)

And then, there is the knowledge that [insert person or group of people] has life way worse than you will ever have it due to [insert life sucks moment or existence]. It's hard to be praying for a parking space to open up closer to the store so you don't have to walk as far when someone is praying not to die. It's about perspective.

Yet, when life hands you lemons, you can be forgive for saying, "I am sick of lemonade! I don't even like the stuff!" I find myself in this situation and I'm struggling with my perspective, even as the days have lengthened and the smell of spring is in the air.

I got a decent tax return this year. I spent 4 days, count 'em, DAYS, working the possibilities for what to do with this. Eventually, the numbers which won were to take down the dead tree at the NW corner of the house, get the cats their check up and shots, add to the rainy day fund and set aside seed money to replace the Jeep. There would be a bit for a treat for me and I would have money for the wedding trip.

Then the furnace died.

I awoke at 4:30 a.m. two weeks ago, thinking it seemed chilly in the house. Checking the thermometer, it was 58 degrees. Now, I turn down the temp at night, but not that low. I called the company who last performed actual service as opposed to the company who merely cleaned the beast. The latter company didn't have a 24-hour hot line. When diagnosed, the heater coil had gone out. Replacing that took 75% of my tax refund. Oh well, at least I had the money to fix it. Once fixed, it occurred to me that this problem has been on-going for several years. I've had to crank up the heat on several occasions because it just didn't feel like the house was warming. The repair company felt that the cleaning company, who said "everything is good for this year", didn't do any diagnosis. When I tried to find them in the yellow pages, they had vanished. [Insert sarcasm] I wonder why.

Anyway, there goes getting bids on taking the tree down. I can't have companies come out knowing I can't accept a bid. I'll just have to hope there are no hugely powerful storms which would cause a branch to come down.

I headed off to get the oil changed in the Jeep. It was time for the 21-point inspection. My U-joints are shot and the radiator has a very slow leak. The U-joints were of immediate concern so they were replaced last week. The radiator has to wait. I always keep a bottle of oil and a bottle of anti-freeze in the Jeep at all times. You just never know. My mechanic topped off the anti-freeze and said, "See you next month." Would that this were true.

I've just come back from an inspection trip to Iowa. The expense check I'm destined to get for that trip would, in theory, pay for a radiator replacement. My extremely car-handy brother has offered, instead, to replace the radiator if I buy the parts and dinner. I just need to take a weekend and get the car out there. We priced radiators and the attendant hoses and the $40 in gas it would take to get out there (Thank you, God, for low gas prices.) and man, is that tempting. There was a "funky" noise when I started the car today, after driving from Iowa to the office. We'll see if it's still there tomorrow.

There is wash overflowing in the laundry chute. I toss a load in the machine and go upstairs. After the thing fills, there is a horrible screeching noise. I go downstairs and it does not seem that the tub is agitating. I open and close the top several times and it appears that this agitation process is on-off, on-off. It still spins, however and the clothes were okay to be hung up to dry. But have they been agitated to be washed? Maybe just sitting soaking is okay? Maybe what I think I'm supposed to see is not what happens when it's on permanent press? Maybe I can find a rock along a stream somewhere? Or maybe I could take all my dirty clothes to my daughter's and spend the day before the wedding doing laundry? Maybe it's really okay?

The cats have to be postponed, at least until April. They seem to be fine, if more than a bit too fat. If the washer spun the clothes out, maybe, if I do small loads, it won't matter as much. If my brother really feels he can replace the radiator, it will just cost me a visit home and I can nurse the thing until then. I'm still really worried about the tree and I need to find a mowing service because the guy who used to mow my lawn is moving. I had sort of planned for that, which is "me-speak" for "I know it's coming but maybe it won't so I don't have to add mowing into my thin budget".

And then, Anne Lamott, the Christian writer I love so well, writes an amazing column about the trials and tribulations of being human. I won't post a link to the Facebook post here for those of you who loathe Facebook. If you'd like to read it, just type Anne Lamott in the search function and look for last Sunday's column. In essence, she was talking about prayer, about life and how frustration at irritations leads us to being angry. She drives a 1959 Volkswagon which doesn't have a gas gauge. She keeps meticulous records on how much gas she puts in the tank versus how much she's driven. The VW died but she said it couldn't be because it was out of gas. The good Samaritan who stopped to help her thought otherwise, but humored her while they when to his garage, got his big gas can, filled it and then added that to a bone-dry gas tank. He refused money for helping her.

She had recently encountered the title of this post coming from a woman who had been dealt a "high card" hand when everyone else had full-houses. I've encountered this in my travels about the Chicagoland area, coming from people with sagging and fallen plaster, remnants of sewage in the basement and a construction project digging up the front yard. "God is good," I've heard.

Suffice it to say I don't get it, not wholly, not fully. Lamott didn't get it either, at the time, but, this is what I love about her willingness to talk about this faith journey she's on, she admits that this is a struggle, that she's always going to wrestle with the "not getting it" part. The "It's okay. God's got it" is never going to come easily or quickly to the point that she can just blithely go through life secure in "God is good". When you're like me and you're not even sure God is aware of you or you think he merely opens a window "Laugh-In"-style and says, "Yeah, she's still there," it's not okay and God is not good and it's not going to matter if my god is cookie dough or strawberry ice cream flavor.

So, I'm struggling right now. The load of wash I did tonight is drying on the line. (In case you're wondering, I've never owned a dryer. It takes planning to make sure you have adequate clothes for the days ahead while a load dries on the line, but I grew up in another era when wash on the line was how you dried things.) I have 2 cats thrilled to see me. I have leftover pizza in the fridge and I'm grateful that's still working. The sun is out and the snow and ice are leaving. I'll need to jump into my financials and see where I'm at. Is there any extra in the rainy day fund for a washer? I don't know. But, I do know I can go to a laundromat and do a couple loads which would tide me over for at least a week. There are options.

I don't know if it's okay. I don't know if God's got it, whatever "it" happens to be. I'm soldiering on the only way I know how. I was thankful for a beautiful drive, for a chance to connect with my mom and my brother. It's in the little things that I think this God is good. The big stuff will sort itself out.

Beverage:  English Teatime Tea

Deb

Hello There

So, I'm making my morning cereal and I see something in the back yard flitting about the compost pile. There's a lid someone around the thing, but I never put it on. That would mean taking it off when I need to toss in more stuff. I stopped for a bit to see what was at the compost pile and saw this.

It's hard to see because although I held the camera still, the blue jay was not still.

This is new to me. I thought jays migrated, but the Audubon Society says they migrate one year and are stationary the next. Since it's still winter, I would guess this to mean this bird has been here all winter. They tend to be aggressive with other birds but very skittish around humans. I don't remember the last time I saw one in the yard. It's been years.

We're supposed to get a warm up over the next few days. Does the activity of the blue jay mean spring is finally on its way? Man, I hope so.

Beverage:  Water

Deb

What a Difference

So this has become a somewhat distant memory. 

The grass is green. It's been mowed once already. The spring bulbs have nearly run their course. I expect the fragrance of the lilacs in a week or so. The almost second snowiest winter on record and the struggle to shovel are past. Windows are open. Breezes are enjoyed. Robins are back to waking me up at 5:15 a.m.

With this has come a surprising event.

There is a great lack of rain. We've had the cool, heavily overcast weather that portends rain, but as for rain itself, it's not so much. This is a far cry from last year's April that sticks in the mind as nothing but rain.

It's hard to look into the future, with the grass and trees lush, but it's dry below the ground cover. I have never seen so many squirrels coming to the bird bath for a drink as I do now. I have to keep it really clean. Thursday night, there was a clatter and I heard Pilchard, at the back door, growling. A quick look outside and there was a raccoon in the bird bath, not just drinking, but in the bath, rolling. If the local wildlife is coming to my birdbath for water, this could be a long summer of drought.

Friday, we got a morning of heavy rain.

It was that lovely warm spring rain, too, the stuff you don't mind getting wet in. Cleaned out the bird bath very nicely. There were no puddles. Everything soaked in. We could use a week of that kind of rain.

Beverage:  Dr Pepper

Deb

Season's Start

It was so nice on Sunday, I had to bring up a chair.

I spent 2 hours on the deck, just reading. I had dishes going so when I would get up to wash another sink full of dishes, my spot would be taken.

But when I'd come back out with the camera, to photograph her in the chair, she'd jump off. She knows; they both know.

The deck sitting season has begun. That is a sigh of happiness.

Beverage:  Water

Deb

Leafing Out

Beverage:  Water

Deb

Spring Has Sprung, Photo(s) 16

Finally. I don't remember the crocus taking this long to bloom. 

Amongst the debris from the end of fall and what was deposited over winter, my crocus seemed to take a very long time to sprout and then bloom. They are quite compact and really need to be lifted and spread out along the front of the house. I worried that they had been killed by the wicked winter and the heaps of snow. But no, a week ago, I saw the edges of leaves and then the flowers. They were just after peak on Wednesday and today, they look ratty and spent. 

Nearby, I had the beginnings of hyacinths. 

Again, both the blue one above and the white one below should be lifted in the fall and replanted. 

The whole of the front flower bed should. It's overgrown and weedy and there are things in the bed I'd like to get rid of. But that's for another time, a later date. Right now, I am happy to see these. It means that in spite of the brutal cold, spring is here. 

Beverage:  Scottish Breakfast Tea

Deb