Wednesday, July 28, 2010

It's a mind-set.

I awoke this morning and just lay there listening to the jazz coming out of my clock radio. Sometimes, the morning DJ can be redundant in his choices. Today, there were quite a few "new" songs by the artists he favors and it was nice to hear those voices singing something unfamiliar.

I didn't want to get up. The stress of dealing with the car combined with a general malaise has me in a funk. I could, very easily, have rolled over and gone back to sleep, completely ignoring the inevitable "Where are you?" phone calls from work.

It occurs to me I need a vacation. In the 10 years I've been at this company, and, by company directive, I am prohibited from mentioning the name, I think there is exactly one year when I took all my allotted vacation time. We don't have a quantified sick time. If you get sick, take the time. Excessive sickness needs doctor's notes but they don't want you in the office if you're sick.

I'm rarely sick, knock on considerable wood. Yes, I have allergies, but I have learned how to keep them under control. My doctor knows that if I am in to see him, something is wrong that I can't live with.

I"m 'meh' right now. I blogged about this earlier. I should probably take vacation. There are those things called "mental health days" that my friends will indulge in but I do not. I have this mind-set that tells me, if I am healthy, I should be at work.

Jon and Amber are kind of on my case about my lack of vacation. I can't get away from the idea that a vacation is something you do. I don't have the funds to go anywhere. Why should I take time off when I'm not going anywhere?

I know that's me, equating vacation with going somewhere, but I'm not sure how to get out of that. I really could benefit from a couple days off but I have this enormous guilt about being at home when I could be working. I don't know how to shake this. I don't have money to do much beyond sit at home and just be. I'm very good at the "just be-ing" part. I know vacations are simply a means to get away from work and they are paying me to sit at home. So why it is that, if I'm home and well, I think I should be at work?

If I took time off, maybe this funk I'm in would leave. Any suggestions on how I can reorder my thinking?

Beverage: Earl Grey tea


1 comment:

  1. I have to agree. Full use of all the days off you can get, including the occasional sick day, is really, really good for the grey matter. I fall victim to this so badly, I keep having to take single days off just to avoid losing my vacation time, and I'm still only 2 days from the cap. Won't even talk about sick days. Don't even know how many we get, as I've never used more than 3 (excepting the swine flu incident, of course).

    Now, as to what to do with the odd day off, I seem to have no problems finding ways to keep myself busy. There's always something that needs cleaning, moving, rearranging, posihing, weeding, pruning, repairing, or filing. I guess it helps that I'm more than a little neurotic, since I find all of those things perfectly satisfying and compelling. ;P

    I think there is something to be said for taking a day off and not really going anywhere for "vacation"-like activities, though. You get a chance to look at yourself, your house, your things and see the stuff that needs done or needs thought or simply will be fun to do. At the end of the day, it's one fewer thing on your shoulders from day-to-day.

    Heck. I think I may take a day off next week . . .

    D / Z