Tuesday, March 1, 2011

As Long As There Are No Onions or Olives or Anchovies or...

So I'm eating my leftover enchilada and Internet surfing and I stumble across a post. "Pizza Toppings for Your Zodiac Sign". Okay, I'll bite.

Perhaps you are aware of the hullabaloo earlier in the year when the Minnesota Planetarium Society said the earth's rotation had skewed the zodiac signs from the time the zodiac was created to now. Because of that, and the ancient Babylonians wanting some symmetry the original zodiac didn't provide, a new sign was added and other signs augmented by a month. So, the sign you thought you were under is not the sign you really are under. But what does this mean for my pizza toppings?

Well, I have operated these many years thinking I was a Sagittarius. Sagittarians like the following on their pizzas:
Sagittarians have the largest appetite of the zodiac and like pizza piled with toppings -- the more the better. Large, chunky topping pieces and well-done meats will please the Archer, though their eyes may be bigger than their stomachs! Try New Orleans andouille sausage, hot pepper sauce or red pepper flakes to add the spice this Fire sign loves. Pair the Sagittarian's pizza with plenty of good company, laughter and beer.
Okay, I can sort of agree with this. Lots of meat and cheese and sauce is really good. I love thin crust and if the crust groans with meat and cheese, I'm happy. Add beer, laughter and friends and it is an exceptional pizza.

But, if my sign has changed to Scorpio, well, that brings up this:
A true Sicilian pizza hides the toppings on the inside, perfect for secretive Scorpio. Stuffed or pocket pizza of any kind can work -- the Scorpion doesn't want others to know what they're eating anyway. Meat, garlic, mushrooms, olives and seafood are favorites of the Scorpion. Try ordering octopus and pesto pizza for a truly gourmet Scorpio treat.  
No. No. And absolutely not.

Stuffed crust and deep dish pizza have their place but they aren't my preferred pizza. Meat and garlic are okay, but, as my friend, Daniel, knows, do not come anywhere near my pizza with fungus. Same goes for olives and seafood is best broiled with a hint of lemon and butter. It does not belong on pizza. Octopus? What are you smoking? Pesto? Well, maaayyybe I could give it a try.

I saw octopus pieces once, in an Italian deli. You are not coming anywhere near my pizza with that. I think I'll stay Sagittarius, thank you very much. Now where did I put that container of shaved Parmesan? There's not enough cheese on this.

Beverage:  Root Beer


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