Target Marketing Gone Wrong

Companies with goods and services generally pay a lot of money to target market their products. It's no good to market Iowa Hawkeyes merchandise to a fan of Minnesota and vice versa. So the following received in my mailbox this week struck me as hilariously funny.

This is target marketing gone quite wrong. First of all, I don't live in Virginia, not that I couldn't have a license to be a CPA in Virginia. But, that leads to the big thing. MATH! AAAHHHHH! The idea that I would ever be a CPA anywhere should reduce those who know me to fits of howling laughter.

I was tempted to send this back and say, "Um...you might want to get your money back from the company you paid to send these out" but I decided against it. Everyone should have a good strong belly laugh once per day. I got mine and now you have yours.

Beverage:  Cranberry Raspberry Juice

Deb

Ideas?

This is Niles and Jenn's RSVP card for their wedding. If you've ever done Mad Libs, you'll recognize this. I thought I'd ask for some inspired responses.

Of course I'm going. I wouldn't miss this in the world. Now, under number attending, I need a mathematical formula where the product is 1. I don't have a whole lot of room there. I could just do 1,999 -1,998, but I'm sure someone has a great suggestion.

Next, I need an emotion. I don't want the usual emotions either. "Delighted"? Only if that means I removed a light somewhere. "Honored"? Well, yes. I am honored and humbled that they want me to attend. It does mean a great deal to me. After the emotion, I need an adjective and a noun. I can probably come up with those so the sentence seems to make sense but really doesn't. You know, like I talk early in the morning before the tea kicks in.

As for what song the DJ doesn't play, there isn't enough paper on the planet to list all of those. I wonder if they are creating a list of songs to play at the wedding. That would be rather funny. I should come up with something really obscure.

Notice I don't have to send this back until April 23rd, but I'm going to send it within the week. I'm afraid if I wait any longer, I will forget and that is not a good thing when I'm looking forward to this. I'm kind of sad I can't fill out the bottom. I'm either tracking the exotic lemur in Madagascar or polishing my prized widget signed by Dizzy Dean. Widget polishing has saved my sanity.

Beverage:  Dr Pepper

Deb

Five is Right Out.

There are days when I feel just like King Arthur.

[Holding the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch]
King Arthur : How does it... um... how does it work?
Sir Lancelot : I know not, my liege.
King Arthur : Consult the Book of Armaments.
Brother Maynard : Armaments, chapter two, verses nine through twenty-one.
Cleric : [reading] And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy." And the Lord did grin. And the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths, and carp and anchovies, and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit-bats and large chu...
Brother Maynard : Skip a bit, Brother...
Cleric : And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.
Brother Maynard : Amen.
All : Amen.
King Arthur : Right. One... two... five.
Galahad : Three, sir.
King Arthur : Three.

One... two... five. Yup. That's exactly how I'm feeling.

See, I got my paycheck yesterday. It's not as fat as November's but it is adequate. In preparation for this, I hauled out the checkbook over the weekend, to balance it. Everything the bank said I withdrew or added, I said I withdrew or added. This is good. No surprises. But, their total was $3.66 MORE than what I said I had. With 5th 3rd, I would have given up, thrown up my hands in the air and said, "Screw it." Finding an error wasn't going to happen. But with Chase, there's more optimism that the error is much easier to find. And, just to be sure, I called them last night and asked if I could bring in my checkbook if I couldn't find it. "Oh of course!" the gal said, "We'll be happy to see if we can find it with you."

So, I jumped back into a month's worth of figures. You all know I hate math and I'm mildly dyslexic. That's not a good combination. Plus, I know what the figures should read so I have, in the past, seen an error not as an error. But I set the checkbook aside when I couldn't figure things out on Friday. Maybe, in the cold light of a new day, the numbers wouldn't look like they were dancing on the page.

28.90
-3.48
_____
21.76

See that? How I got $21.76 when I subtracted $3.48, I don't know, but I did. It took me 30 minutes to slowly go through a month of transactions, checking the numbers and the math. November was a month of doing math in my head or on small scraps of paper with no back up to check what I'd done. I guess this is a lesson to me to, at the next opportunity, find a calculator and redo the math.

Now I can move on with the month and pay my bills knowing I have $3.66 more than I thought I did.

Beverage: China Black tea

Deb

Does anybody really know what time it is?

Don't look at me. If I have to count more than my fingers and toes, I'm in over my head.

I saw this in a catalog I get. I have a WOW Friend who is a math teacher. From now on, I refuse to ask him what time it is.

Beverage: Irish Breakfast tea

Deb

May be the TMI post.

Doesn't look very interesting or appetizing, does it? It's a skin scrub I received from my friend, Melody. She made it. It's used coffee grounds and baby oil and probably other stuff that I've forgotten. She listed the ingredients the year she gave several of us this for Christmas. She said it was the most delicious exfoliant she'd ever used, plus, it was all natural.

I've had this for a couple years. I put it under the bathroom sink, intending to use it once I had finished with the exfoliant currently in the tub.

Well, as things usually go, it got shoved behind things under the sink. In the summer, I did a clean out of everything in the bathroom and tossed a bunch of things that were way beyond expiration dates, the ear cleaning solution for Penney who went over the Rainbow Bridge in 2007, is a for instance. I found this and moved it to the front of the cupboard intending to give it a try.

It's time to perform the female ritual of leg shaving. I remember reading that although guys shave more often unless they are bearded, women shave more surface area. I find it helps to rub the gams with exfoliant before taking a razor to the skin. There is less chance I am going to nick or cut myself. I usually use this, but at $20, it seems kind of extravagant, particularly when I'm trying to save money any way I can.

I had a small container of lavender scented exfoliant that I used up and then I dug into the coffee grounds. It was a bit solidified, after being under the sink for a couple years. I added a bit of water to it to make the consistency easier for spreading.

Whew! It did smell like coffee. And was it gritty! It felt almost like rubbing sand on my skin. But the result was absolutely wonderful, soft, smooth skin.

This leads to the fact that it's Clinique Bonus Time, the time when I can get a bunch of sampler-size freebies by buying Clinique skin care or make-up items. I was looking through my stash and I actually don't need anything this go round of Bonus Time. Plus, this stuff is expensive. I used up the facial moisturizer they make that I like, but I bought some at Target that is proving to be just as nice for, well, this means math so give me a second.

9/47 = n/100, I think is the formula.

Doing the math says that the new stuff is 19% of the price of the old. I can live with that. In fact, I can live with all my skin care being 19% of the price of what I currently use. That extra change in my pocket means I am closer to being back on my feet. That those feet would be nicely exfoliated is an extra bonus.

Beverage: Blackberry Sage Tea

Deb