Hi Mom!

I've been home a week now after being gone a full 8 days. (Yes, a full report on the vacation will be upcoming.) The girls were watched by my friend, Pam. Mija usually came to see her when she came in the front door. Pilchard has taken a spot on the bed and that's where she stays. Sometimes she comes to greet me when I get home, but usually not. She's grown into the "oh, it's you" state. I'm not quite used to that. I still get a momentary panic when she doesn't come. Having had one cat die at home while I was at work, when she doesn't come, I worry. Then, I go into the bedroom and she's sitting on her spot on the bed looking at me, giving me that look. Every cat companion knows that look. "I'm right here. Why are you yelling?"

Pam said that toward the end of my vacation, even Mija wasn't coming in the morning. She would go into the bedroom and they would both be on the bed. She took to giving them their treats in bed. Oh the luxury. There was only one "accident" on the living room rug while I was gone, but Pam and I both knew it was no accident. It was a statement. "Mom is gone. You're not mom. I'm registering my displeasure."

Since I've been home, both have followed me around. I expected this. It's the "Don't ever leave us again" syndrome. I blogged about Pilchard over at House Panthers. She's been quite clingy since I got back.

I haven't really seen behavior changes other than following me around. I did find someone's breakfast on the hall floor this morning. The worst thing was Wednesday night. I climbed into bed and smelled poop. It smelled close but there have been some whopper stinks coming from the litter boxes this week. I settled down and rolled onto my side to get comfortable and my arm hit something soft and spherical. You guessed it. I have no idea whose idea it was to make a deposit in the bed, but I know it was because there was displeasure at my being gone. I got up and stripped the sheets, sleeping on a blanket. Yesterday, I wiped down the mattress cover and replaced the sheets.

I thought I had prepared them for being gone, but time passes differently to cats than to humans. It must have seemed like a very long time; days changing to nights and no sign of mom. There was no one to play with other than one's sister, a fact I'm seeing in growling, hissing and spitting. I haven't had a full-blown cat fight, but given how pleasant they have been lately, I'm expecting that this weekend. I've made sure the bathroom floor is clean for the inevitable isolation of someone as punishment for the snarling.

In the meantime, we are back to our usual routine. I go off to work and return home. I do a couple of chores and then sit down to watch the news or read the current book. Mija hops up next to me and "talks" to me about her day. I extend my right arm and she flops down on top of it.

It's one of the highlights of the day, actually. She purrs and purrs and kneads the blanket on the recliner or, if she's close to me, my pants. She will monopolize my hand for a good 45 minutes. Pilchard, meanwhile, jumps up into my lap and complains about disproportionate scratches until I scratch her ears and she settles down in my lap.

Wednesday was Hug Your Cat Day. I hug them every day and I do believe they know how much I love them. This fighting is, I think, just like kids in the "Mom loves me best" derby. I hugged them both on Wednesday and told them I loved them. It's hard not to want to hug them when I have this face waiting for me when I come home.

Beverage:  Water

Deb

This is Interesting #2.

I was looking through the accumulated photos on Flickr to see if one photo I know I have is stored there and I came across something that is interesting.

Pilchard, at rest on the ottoman.

Now, here is Faux being ever so helpful in preventing eye strain from reading.

Other than they are both long haired cats, one other item struck me. What's with the extended front leg? When I'm sitting in the settee and Pilchard sits down, it's always the left front leg she extends. I don't know if it's the same leg for Faux, but Mija doesn't do this, at all. Does anyone know why cats do this; if it's only in large cats like Faux and Pilchard; or only in long-haired cats; or if there's not a known reason why, it's just cat behavior in which case I won't ponder it anymore? Promise.

Beverage:  Dr Pepper

Deb

I'm confused.

I logged onto the computer on New Year's Day. It was 9:30 in the morning. I wandered off in search of oatmeal and hot tea. Firefox and then Yahoo booted up and I opened my email to delete the plethora of "50% off sale NOW!" emails I knew were waiting from those online stores with which I do business. There was an offline message.

This is not unusual of itself because I have cyber friends all over the world. While I look at "real" time as Central because it's where I've spent 90% of my life, other people are ahead or behind me in time zones. Friends know that sending me a Yahoo Messenger message when I'm not online will result in me seeing it right away when I do log on.

What was unusual was who this was from.

I have not talked to him in almost a year. When we parted company, it was not without some rather pointed comments. It took me 6 months to finally erase all his contact information from everywhere; phone numbers, Internet address, instant message address (there were several of each) and, ultimately, home address. But erase it I did, although it did nothing to erase the huge, huge wish that things had turned out differently.

I can go weeks without thinking about him and then have days strung together where he's always there. Writing about the first anniversary of his visit helped a great deal in putting the restless memories to bed. I was able to let go of some parts of the fantasy and accept the more concrete reality of never speaking again and never wanting to speak again.

But here was an Instant Message with the robotic request from Yahoo Messenger to allow it to add me as a friend to his friend's list.

I sat there, I'm not kidding, a good 10-15 minutes with the mouse hovering over the "Accept" button, while I wrestled with demons that blasted out of the inner closet where I had shoved them. Do I or don't I? The big problem is the knowledge that I will be sucked back into something I worked so hard to be rid of. He could not/would not commit to our relationship for various reasons and it makes no difference if he was around the block, the state or the world. The inability or unwillingness to find a common ground between what he was giving me and what I wanted split us apart. He's not a bad person. On the contrary, what made this exceptionally hard was the goodness, kindness, caring and concern I saw and experienced first hand in him. But I won't be excluded if you want a relationship, whether that exclusion is accidental or on purpose. And that's where the impasse lay.

I finally clicked "Accept" and the program informed me that he would be told of my acceptance. That's where it stands. There has been no further communication, real or via a program, since. I accepted because my curiosity about why overcame my reluctance to start anything, even a mild friendship, up again. There is/was so much I don't know, so much that was left unsaid. I wanted to find out if I could get answers, get the information I desire, even if it meant there was nothing between us anymore and we would, finally, go our own ways and I would wrestle no more memories.

A friend has suggested this was a new girlfriend's way of getting back at him. I don't buy that because why still maintain my contact information and, more importantly, letting a current girlfriend have what would amount to unlimited access to your computer? He, more or less, walked away from me and, in doing that, I would think keeping my contact information is the last thing he would do.

Another friend has a different take. It is her considered opinion that this is "New Year's Remorse", as she calls it. He was, perhaps, alone and drunk and looking over the debris of the past year. Perhaps he felt a twinge of sadness for how things ended. Perhaps he just wishes to not have there be anger. There were other, less charitable and more morbid suggestions for why contact was made, but I tend to think well of people until proven wrong. In any case, she tells me not to expect additional contact.

And this leads to my confusion. I can't contact him. I don't have his email anymore. I did a very, very thorough job of erasing it from my planner. I remember bits and pieces of it and yes, yes, I know once you have an email, it's impossible to not be found. But I don't want to do the deep work it would take me to find this. I don't want to look on Facebook and try to friend him knowing that he probably isn't going to reciprocate. Mercifully, Facebook doesn't tell you your friend request has been denied. I just want to know why, after these long months, did this show up in my instant messenger, at the start of a new year.

This is one question that is probably not likely to be answered. I guess, in my heart, I know whatever this was was a mistake and there is not to be further contact. Gradually, I'll let this go as I have let other things go. But the answer to the question you're wanting to ask but not sure quite how is, yes, if I got what I was seeking, yes.

Beverage: water

Deb

Another small success

For some reason, Pilchard has been a little [insert expletive of your choice]. She went out of her way to torment Mija over the weekend.

Mija loves to follow me into the kitchen on the outside chance I'm getting something to eat of which she can snare a bit. As she trots into the kitchen, Pilchard will rush her from wherever she's hiding. A round of hissing, angry meows, spitting and growling follows. It got so bad that Pilchard had Mija cornered behind the garbage can in the kitchen. I tossed Pilchard into kitty time out where she stayed for a good 20 minutes.

Kitty time out, however, does change Pilchard's attitude for awhile. When allowed out of the bathroom, she followed me around and meowed for attention. I refused to scratch ears. I sat down to sort through some piles and she came and sat by my feet, meowing. I looked down at her, picked her up and held her and told her, like she understands, that I am not tolerating this behavior.

Later in the evening, as I was playing WOW, she wanted in my lap. This is a new behavior, started about a week to 10 days ago. She jumps into the chair to my right and puts her left paw on my leg while she meows. I raise my arms and she climbs into my lap and settles down. She generally stays for an hour but last night, stayed for 90 minutes.

Toward the end of that 90 minutes, I decided I needed to attempt a claw clip. I was successful. I can only do one paw at a time and I do have to restrain her for the last one. But she let me clip 4 of the 5 nails before wanting to leave. She came back later and I was able to do both front paws last night. Tonight, I go for the back ones.

This is a major event to celebrate. I praised her for letting me clip her nails. Now, if I can get the charge attacking stopped, I'll be really happy.

Beverage: Lady Gray tea

Deb