Another Color Finished

While a load of pants (and socks, see the post below) washed, I worked on another color. In between the obligatory ear scratchings, I got the green done.

It's coming along nicely. This inspired me to haul the contents of one vegetable drawer to the compost pile. It also helps that it's been in the upper 40's lately. I can leave the back door open to make multiple trips to garbage, recycling and compost. I am energized by this little craft. Now to build on this feeling.

Beverage:  Dr Pepper

Deb

Sold

It's funny the attachment we have to things. It's been so hard to divorce myself from the emotions I have when I look at those two rings. They reminded me of a happier time, a time when even if life was difficult, there was someone who shared the natural ups and downs. Perhaps the inability to let go of these reflected my wish that life would be like that again. I am lonely, sometimes oppressively so, and wish I came home to "Hi, how was your day?" instead of meows.

So, in spite of gold being in the sky-high neighborhood and the proximity of someone who will pay me a very good price for it, it's been very, very, extremely hard to walk into the store, hand them these rings and say, "I'd like to sell them." There's so much emotion tied up in two small rings.

Saturday, I did it. It was number one on my list of things to do. I had to get more Terro because the ants were back after a week's hiatus, not in the same thousands but 3 or 4 running around the counter mean there are hundreds waiting back at the nest for a report. I told myself that I couldn't go to the hardware store to get Terro until I had sold the rings. I have more than enough money for Terro but this way, I forced myself to pull into the lot, get out of the car and walk into the jeweler.

It was quite hard to do, actually. I got involved in a video upload project to YouTube. I have all these movies of my WOW guild's events that I want to get up on our guild web site. Then, I can burn the originals to CD/DvD and erase them from my computer, freeing up a lot of memory. Some of the videos are quite long so I get one started uploading and I go off and do something else.

Dragging my feet? Sure. Of course I was and I knew it. I acknowledge this is hard. This is getting rid of a part of my life. Never mind that it will make my current life better, I am selling a part of myself. But, eventually, I reached a point where I had to go out. I also had emailed an incorrect time sheet and needed to go to the office to correct it. I told myself I couldn't correct it until I'd sold my rings.

It was a painless process. I also brought in a couple of rings I've had but I don't wear. They took the bottom one but not the top one. The gal said that although the top ring is stamped 10k gold, it is not. She recommended that, if I wanted to get rid of it, a pawn shop is a good place. "You won't get a lot for it, but if you don't wear it at all, something is better than it sitting around in a drawer. It's a pretty ring and someone might like it. Or, you could try Ebay."

They took the rings, stones and all. I walked out with a very nice check. One 10k ring and 2 14k rings yielded more than I was expecting. I told myself I would be happy with enough for a tank of gas. This was much more than a tank of gas.

I have a pair of earrings and a necklace with blue topaz stones in them. They are probably 10k gold but I do occasionally wear earrings and necklaces. Rings just won't fit on my fingers anymore.

So, it's done. It wasn't as painful as I thought it would be. They were very nice in the jewelry store. I put the check they gave me straight into the bank, went to Dominicks and got myself some Dr Pepper and vanilla ice cream. I figured I could treat myself to a Dr Pepper float.

Beverage:  Huckleberry tea

Deb

Happy Anniversary to Me!

May 23rd marked the 2nd year I've been posting my thoughts, feelings and observations in this little blog. As I did last year, I wanted to mark the occasion by changing the view. For this next year, the blog will look like this.

I won't mess with the layout. It's like changing where you put the dishes in the cupboard. If you move the cups to the other side, you'll never be able to find them when you want some tea.

But changing the color scheme is like repainting the living room. Every so often, it's good to change.

I like the dandelion silhouette. It reminds me that I've come through some very difficult times but fun and playfulness are always there for me. Step back and watch the dandelion seeds blow away in the wind. Think of them taking a trouble away, removing it from your shoulders and giving it over to the whims of the world.

I've been true to my self-imposed goal of having a post a day. Some months, there is more to muse on than in other months. I'll go days without a post and then have 4 in one day. I limit myself to 4 so you don't have to scroll back so far to catch up. No bets about this weekend, however. I have a lot of things to talk about.

So, once I've paid my bills, I'm hoping there will be enough left over to make a beer/wine run. I deserve to toast myself with something good, although that mead is looking very, very tempting. (What mead? Where? Blog post later.)

Beverage:  Scottish Blend tea

Deb

It's just, "meh".

I've been wrestling with this for some time. It's a feeling, just a general feeling, but it has colored a lot of what I do.

I feel "meh". That currently cultural definition of "the blues" or "blah" seems to convey exactly what I'm feeling.

I've gone from the frantic "How will I survive?" of winter and spring to a "yeah, well, that's how it is" of summer and beyond. The new checking and savings accounts are up and running. I've used the online bill pay system and it's nice and I probably could see using that in the future. My expense check is not getting direct deposited into the new account and that's supposed to be resolved this week. Once everything is going to the new accounts, I can close out the 5th 3rd accounts, walk out the door and shake the dust from my feet. They actually worked with me to form a payment plan on my remaining credit so it doesn't impact my ability to eat. In fact, all but one company has been very good about the situation.

Bank of America refuses to put me in any kind of payment plan unless and until I give them a complete financial history with account numbers. I have to give them a list of everything I spend my money on during a month so they can "assess" which of their programs is right for me. Nope. We go 'round and 'round every week on this. I don't believe they need all that personal information and I have absolutely no guarantees it won't be accessed improperly or used against me. "You have my word, ma'am," is not enough. And they won't put anything in writing for me to look at what they have to offer. They will make the decision and enroll me. I realize these people are doing their job and parroting what they are being told to say, but am I alone in thinking this has red flags and warning buzzers all over it? BoA received millions, maybe billions, in government bailout money. I don't trust them as far as I can throw them.

So, they call and I tell them what I can do and they tell me that's not enough and I shrug and say, "Well, that's what I got" and they tell me the calls will continue until I pay some outrageous sum and I tell them that I will pay them once a month and it will be x and if I had more, I'd pay more. 5th 3rd finally came around and sent me information on their payment plans so I could assess what was good for me. BoA may never but I'm doing the best I can. I know that and I'm comfortable with what I have done.

I'm not blah about that. It is what it is and I can't change it. I had another article purchased yesterday so there's another $10 coming soon. I have 2 more to write. I'm working on the end of that guild novel, but I have hit a dry patch in words. I don't like forcing the words to come because they are never, ever as good as the words that just flow. So, I've set that aside for now. I need to get from the end of Chapter 14 to where I am now and I think that's at least 4 or 5 more chapters.

I'm seeing a lot of friends and family get engaged and start planning weddings. I listen to the excited tales of searching for reception halls and dresses and caterers and photographers. I'm happy for them and I wish their impending marriage is one for life.

I have several married friends going through rough patches right now due to job loss. I listen to the tales of frustration at the spouse and at life. I see my job getting busier; I have overtime in the next couple of days to get work done; and I hope my company's upturn in business translates into jobs for my friends. I listen. I ask questions. I make suggestions if it seems a suggestion on a different POV or something else to do instead of yell at one another is in order. I can't help thinking, "I know it's tough and I know there are days you just want them to hop into their car and drive away and never come back, but you have someone you love and you need to remember that." I come home to two cats and a stack of dishes or laundry and the absence of another human in my home.

It's not that.

And I don't want pity nor do I want people not to share things with me. I just feel blah. It's not the pothole that I talked of earlier in the month. This feels like this photo to the left. I'm driving along Interstate 80 in the early part of the salt flats. It's miles and miles of same.

I try to be open to whatever life sends my way. I want to "be in the moment", to use a trite aphorism. It's hard, some days, to force myself to do things I know I have to do. I don't want to balance my checkbook. I don't want to clean the tub. I don't want to wash the rugs. I sleep, a lot, it seems. Even the game is not as exciting as it was. I still like to play it, but everything is "meh" and I find myself getting irritated with things I shouldn't be irritated at.

I know that lifting myself out of the "mehs" is my responsibility. I cannot rely on anyone else to do that work. I need to figure out what I can do to raise my spirits and change it from "meh" to "yeah". So that's why posts have not been regular. I feel "meh" and, although I'm trying to do something about it, it's a struggle.

Beverage: Chocolate Hazelnut tea

Deb